Poem Whatcha think?

Question:*How does it hurt*

How does it hurt
What she told you today
that she loved another
and you couldnt stay.
You had true love baby
But you just let it fly away.
Your just on your knees
beggin me like a fool
Lost in this world
Drownding in this pool
I think Ill pass
Cus the last time you tried
your love didnt last
How does it hurt.
What she did to you.
Now that your dumped
your just confused
You want me back
But t his bird was set free
From shackles and keys
and she isnt flying back
To the one that locked that door.
How does it hurt
to be hit at your worst?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: *How does it hurt*

How does it hurt
What she told you today
that she loved another
and you couldnt stay.
You had true love baby
But you just let it fly away.
Your just on your knees
beggin me like a fool
Lost in this world
Drownding in this pool
I think Ill pass
Cus the last time you tried
your love didnt last
How does it hurt.
What she did to you.
Now that your dumped
your just confused
You want me back
But t his bird was set free
From shackles and keys
and she isnt flying back
To the one that locked that door.
How does it hurt
to be hit at your worst?

Good repetition... The language is too colloquial but I don't know if that's what you wanted it to sound like.... Also it's too literal... There aren't any poetic techniques which add to symbolism... I also think it would make a better song rather than a poem.

Keep up the good work though =]

Pretty good

THE BEST!!!

i like this poem... itsz really good.. i could picture everthing u were sayin