Something else you might like ..maybe not. Do you.?

Question:"broken"

Suffering, crying, lying, a scream,
sitting straight up, just a nasty dream.
I've saved my life and I've saved my soul,
The secret so simple it seems so damn droll.

I have wept openly, sobbing in pain,
You've done it too, we're all the same.
I do not cry now, I only dream,
now I just sing, I never scream..

The scars that I bare
I don't even care.
Healing my wounds, remembering desire,
Deep down inside me there now burns a fire.

A voice from within me said this was love,
and now I drown in the tears of a dove.
This tragic end it has swallowed all hope,
my love she is gone, I just need a rope.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: "broken"

Suffering, crying, lying, a scream,
sitting straight up, just a nasty dream.
I've saved my life and I've saved my soul,
The secret so simple it seems so damn droll.

I have wept openly, sobbing in pain,
You've done it too, we're all the same.
I do not cry now, I only dream,
now I just sing, I never scream..

The scars that I bare
I don't even care.
Healing my wounds, remembering desire,
Deep down inside me there now burns a fire.

A voice from within me said this was love,
and now I drown in the tears of a dove.
This tragic end it has swallowed all hope,
my love she is gone, I just need a rope.

Tell me Dark Prince - why should you let the things of the past control you? To use a very well-worn cliche 'To-day is the first day of the rest of your life'
My childhood was bleak and unpleasant, my teenage years were awful (I was controlled and emotionally manipulated by my mother and ignored by my father).....most of my early married life we lived on the bread-line....So?
That was then, this is now. Boy, do I enjoy life. Love it, love it, love it.
Go forward - I have found that a bad beginning ensures that you never take anything for granted and life just gets better and better.

Nope, sorry. That one didn't do it for me.

Why? Well, it mainly has to do with these lines:

"The scars that I bare
I don't even care."

"Deep down inside me there now burns a fire."

"my love she is gone, I just need a rope."

really good =)

yes, I do

I loved it and could relate to those feelings for I have experienced them myself.

nicely done

It's a good theme and all and I times I really felt those emotions... however there was too much effort put into rhyming and it sorta... made it sound a bit "lame".... maybe you shouldn't focus so much on the rhyming as that is not always important in a poem. focus more on the imagery and the theme of pain...

sorry if that offended you >< you asked for an opinion so i gave you an honest one

Still needs work I think. "There now burns a fire" presumably of desire doesn't correlate with drowning and swallowing all hope.

Therefore I would scrap the whole last stanza. Especially as "I just need a rope" sounds silly.

The other option would be to scrap the reference to healing of wounds and "there now burns a fire" (ie completely replace the last 2 lines of stanza 3). Even then, get rid of "I just need a rope".

i don't know why but i really don't tend to like poems that rhyme...the rhyming seems too forced and makes it sounds a little weird....i dont know maybe thats just me but sorry i didnt like this one

That is one of the nicest poems I've ever heard.I love it

this one is good.

i like the fact that it rhymes...but in one or two places it's a little forced. i would suggest reworking 4/4, 1/2 and 1/4.

the only other little point i have is one that i hate to hear (my friend tells me this quite a lot, and it bugs me, but hey..) you're using "filler words". mostly it's "now": in 2/3 and 2/4, the word is unneccessary other than to keep the scansion..also in 3/4, but i reckon it can stay in 4/2.

Loved it. I recently lost someone near and dear too me.
Good work.