My first poem! Should I quit while I am ahead? Is it worth continuing? Any comme

Question:I made these up fairly quickly, I am not sure if this is one long poem or 4 short poems. There are a couple areas where I put some things that are probably not poem-worthy. But like I said, I wrote these in a hurry. Without further ado:

1:
I must admit I’m half afraid
To pass the stage
To laugh and praise
The masters waves
The laughters caged
I’m half afraid
Of a blackened grave
A blackened grave

2:
To much surprise I know a witch
Bestowed my Lips
To blow a kiss
To sew a stitch
To throw the pitch
And show the miss
That I’m as gold as piss

3:
I laugh and cry
At passers by
The math inside
Is half alive
The wrath deprived
The trap is tried
To slap the side
Of a blackened eye

4:
I straighten up
Upon waking up
To be as a safe as trust
And break the cuffs
To escape the lust
And rape disgust
I drink a lake of guts
Upon waking up
I straighten up

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I made these up fairly quickly, I am not sure if this is one long poem or 4 short poems. There are a couple areas where I put some things that are probably not poem-worthy. But like I said, I wrote these in a hurry. Without further ado:

1:
I must admit I’m half afraid
To pass the stage
To laugh and praise
The masters waves
The laughters caged
I’m half afraid
Of a blackened grave
A blackened grave

2:
To much surprise I know a witch
Bestowed my Lips
To blow a kiss
To sew a stitch
To throw the pitch
And show the miss
That I’m as gold as piss

3:
I laugh and cry
At passers by
The math inside
Is half alive
The wrath deprived
The trap is tried
To slap the side
Of a blackened eye

4:
I straighten up
Upon waking up
To be as a safe as trust
And break the cuffs
To escape the lust
And rape disgust
I drink a lake of guts
Upon waking up
I straighten up

This reads like one long poem not four short ones. This is amazing for your first poem. definitely keep it up. I've been writing poems for 12 years and this is one of the best I've read. =) and I'm not just saying that.

I like them.

Good stuff.

I think it is very good

Ok make a Haiku or Narritive poem.

Well id say its kind of corny having everything rhyme but if it means sumthing to ya then u should finish it.

It's a good start - keep writing!

Very good Keep it rolling

good!

remember, poetry doesnt have to rhyme.

great!!

3 with 2 and 1 dont go together sorry......

too reliant on rhyming without any real emotive depth or substance behind it

try to pick a theme and stick to it if youre just starting out

"I’m as gold as piss" is a fantastic line though, reall, really, good

They are pretty good. But try to use other types of poems and it doesn't have to rhyme anyways. I like the 1st one though because it has lots of emotions. Good luck with your poems. I think trying doesn't hurt as well as continuing.

Keep writing, b/c if you stopped now you wouldn't be "ahead"!

Why would you post something you "wrote in a hurry"? I get the impression that you don't read a lot of poetry. Maybe put the pen down for a bit and read all the great poets that you can for a while....

............good luck and keep writing...dont let anyone put you down...if you love writing poetry, then keep writing and im sure someone out there will like your writing

great job!!
i like it.
keep up the writing.
and even if it did suck which it didn't you shouldn't have thought about stopping.
writing is good for you.
it gets out all of your feelings that you sometimes didn't even know you had.

Your poems are okay. To me your poems sound the same, they should have meaning to you and other people. You should keep trying to write poems because if you sit down and think, you can come up with good poems.

worth continuing

dude you are good !!! better than me!! try taking poetry class u could become a famous poet.!!

I think that its a great poem.It should be 4 seperate poems.I really like the way you used repitition at the beginning and end of every stanza.Since its on the internet,someone important just might see it.~Good Luck~

i like em :D

NO! DON'T YOU DARE QUIT! This almost seems professionally written!
Comments: Your poem has a strong and organized structure, yet all the ideas blend together smoothly. 1, 2, and 4 are great, and the rhymes seem to be picked out perfectly.
Suggestions: I don't like the last line of 2, and 3 doesn't make as much sense as the other three. Also, the repeat you did at the end of 1 is good, but the repeat at the end of 4 doesn't really fit.
Wow, keep writing! You'll make a fine poet :)

Definitely keep doing it. Reading it woke ME up!

It sounds like you are young, and have plenty of time to work on it. keep believing in your self. you ll have that Rap- Poem down in no time.

pretty good keep it up!

Not too bad for first effort! They might need a little polishing, but not too bad! Looks like they could probably fit together into one longer poem or each stand alone. Suggestions: Nr 2: add a line in the middle, drop the last line, repeat the next-to-last line, "And show the miss."; Nr 3: drop the last line repeat next-to-last line, "To slap the side."; Nr 4: Drop the last two lines, repeat most of next-to-last line, "A lake of guts." That way, each poem, or each stanza of a longer, combined poem, is eight lines long, with the seventh line echoed by the eighth.