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Question:first kisses

The kiss from so faltering
lips so fluently reluctant despite
soaring in disconcert so arousing
glee like so from serpents slithering
depths so festering in detached remembrance

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: first kisses

The kiss from so faltering
lips so fluently reluctant despite
soaring in disconcert so arousing
glee like so from serpents slithering
depths so festering in detached remembrance

Needs some work. "So" is used too much. Substitute other words or just leave it out. Provide more descriptive words. i.e.:

The kiss from "such" faltering
lips, fluently reluctant "in spite of"
............................(omit), arousing
glee like...

Also leave out the "so" befor festering in the last line.
The remainder needs a lot of work, I can't make much sense of it. You lose me on the fourth line. Try to let it flow, like the "serpents slithering". I like that bit.

the kiss of faltering lips...faltering lips kiss reluctant fluency, fluent in reluctance as slithering serpents glee festering depth detached rememberance..? just a thought or two...its sometimes hard to get it all in line and flowing along...