Please rate and comment my poem?

Question:In A Land Without Time

In a land without time, no clocks and no watches;
Would you ever be early, could you ever be late?
In a land without time, no clocks and no watches;
Could the bus always be there, would you ever have to wait?
In a land without time, no days, months or years;
Could you ever get older, would you always be a kid?
In a land without time, no days, months or years;
Could an auction ever close, would you ever have to bid?
In a land without time, no seasons, no semesters;
Could it ever get hot, would it ever be cool?
In a land without time, no seasons, no semesters;
Would you ever have to work, could you ever go to school?
In a land without time, no calendars and no schedules;
Could you ever look back, would you ever plan ahead?
In a land without time, no calendars and no schedules;
Could you really be living, would you ever be dead?

Please rate and comment this. I appreciate all criqtiques and criticism.

Thanks

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: In A Land Without Time

In a land without time, no clocks and no watches;
Would you ever be early, could you ever be late?
In a land without time, no clocks and no watches;
Could the bus always be there, would you ever have to wait?
In a land without time, no days, months or years;
Could you ever get older, would you always be a kid?
In a land without time, no days, months or years;
Could an auction ever close, would you ever have to bid?
In a land without time, no seasons, no semesters;
Could it ever get hot, would it ever be cool?
In a land without time, no seasons, no semesters;
Would you ever have to work, could you ever go to school?
In a land without time, no calendars and no schedules;
Could you ever look back, would you ever plan ahead?
In a land without time, no calendars and no schedules;
Could you really be living, would you ever be dead?

Please rate and comment this. I appreciate all criqtiques and criticism.

Thanks

Whoa! I like this. May I suggest you Restructure it so it flows easier for the reader ........such as:

In A Land Without Time

In a land without time,
No clock and no watches;
Would you ever be early,
Could you ever be late?

In a land without time,
No clocks and no watches;
Could the bus always be there,
Would you ever have to wait?

In a land without time,
No days months or years;
Could you ever get older,
Would you always be a kid?

In a land without time,
No days, months or years;
Could an auction ever close
Would you ever have to bid?

In a land without time,
No seasons, no semesters;
Could it ever get hot,
Would it ever be cool?

In a land without time,
No seasons, no semesters;
Would you ever have to work,
Could you ever go to school?

In a land without time,
No calendars and no schedules;
Could you ever look back,
Would you ever plan ahead?

In a land without time,
No calendars and no schedules;
Could you really be living,
Would you ever be dead?

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This is really quite good. I think this piece really has a lot to say and think about. I find it stimulating and it's obvious you've done your homework with line choices and punctuation and thought about each stanza. With this much repetition, it would be so easy to slip into forced rhyming but this doesn't do that. Each stanza has something different to think about in the context of the point you are making. I'd rate this between an 8 and a 10!
Definitely a keeper.

I like it for the most part...you might try switching in the second line Could and Would since you have it that way in all the other questions....just a thought...

You might try separating the verses just for easier reading...

I really like it.
Mindstimulating:)
Ahah!
4STARS!

The beginning is nice, but i don't like the last word "dead"...not rhythm of living! May "lying" be better?

This poem is remarkable. It is following, or flowing, despite it's far reaching dues, the lead of a free appeal from subjugation by time. Shackles that despite itself recock the gun and reaim. The delightful serenade of time. As a flow, straight line. Straight line.