For I am lifeless Poem please rate?

Question:My heart just won't beat,
More silent than the heart beat flat line,
For a moment a tear drop shatter's everything,
The priests lips move slowly as the ashes dance with the wind,
As I stand above my own grave,
I notice how far I dug myself into this one,
I couldn't stop tragic, It just toke the wheel,
It hurts to flashback, so many bright lights,
The tears from a girl, create this black hole,
I'm calm going in for I am lifeless.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: My heart just won't beat,
More silent than the heart beat flat line,
For a moment a tear drop shatter's everything,
The priests lips move slowly as the ashes dance with the wind,
As I stand above my own grave,
I notice how far I dug myself into this one,
I couldn't stop tragic, It just toke the wheel,
It hurts to flashback, so many bright lights,
The tears from a girl, create this black hole,
I'm calm going in for I am lifeless.

i really like it and usually i hate poetry but that waz good and sweet keep writing.....................you dont seem like the type of person that writes heart filled stuff but wat do i kno lol.............peace out girl scout

it's ok but I'm pretty hard on other peoples poetry, I write poetry my self, so I guess I analyze everyone else's the way I do mine

Very average. Pretty well written, but rather boring. I had to force myself to keep reading, whereas I would rather choose to keep reading.

There's no meter or rhythm. and as someone above me stated i as well did have to force myself to keep reading. I don't know what you mean by "please rate" but if you mean 1-10, 3.

~sig~
7 days without soccer makes one weak

More silent than the heart beat flat line?.....R u talking about the heart rate monitor when someone dies and it just turns in 2 long flat line, if so find a better def. 4 that. It was pretty average not that great i would work on it.but ur not bad so dont stop writing