One more poem i made....hope you like it....?

Question:your the one who makes me smile
makes me want to run a mile
i lose my mind
as i look into your eyes
i am actually looking into the skies
as you hold me in your arms
i feel your charms
i always wanna be with you
even if it means walking all the way to the capital of peru!!!

im only 13 so please dnt h8 giv me hintz

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: your the one who makes me smile
makes me want to run a mile
i lose my mind
as i look into your eyes
i am actually looking into the skies
as you hold me in your arms
i feel your charms
i always wanna be with you
even if it means walking all the way to the capital of peru!!!

im only 13 so please dnt h8 giv me hintz

for a 13 year its good stuff!
i would say no to the peru bit makes it sound a bit like a cheeky rhyme.

instead of i am actually looking into the skies , maybe

'' the love makes me soul cry '' ?
it was just that the original line wasnt as '' linked in '' with the rest?

hope i gave you what yr looking for!

and you have great talent!

x

That is very good.

oooh this is so sweet !

Your poem is lovely.

aw how cute!! :D

Aww..it's a nice poem.

its kinda choppy, but it has a great message. i think its really sweet. ur girl is in for a treat!

hey have you thought about writing songs????

it really suits you!

that is really good ..you are very talented keep it up
peace@love=0)

Wow for 13 thats really great! keep it up with some years and life you could become a brilliant poet.

Please check out my poem.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

it was ok but a little cheesy, also if your gunna rhyme, you probably need to use the same amount of syllables in each line

I cant wait until you are 14 or 15. if you keep writing, you will become better and better. Sooooooo....keep writing!

i would take the part about running to peru out. its kinda random. yse this site 2 c what u can use:

http://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi?Wor...

ok the rhymes are good but it doesn't make a lot of sense.
you should try to focus on one theme . i know poetry since i was 8 now i'm 24 so i can tell you are on the right road but need to work on the developing of the poem, usually teenager poems are base on the teen experience or feeling those are the easiest to develop just let your heart talk that will give your poem emotions and they will make sense. poetry is a great way to express your self without having someone judging what you feel. keep writing don't let anyone take that away from you . if you need help I'm glad to do so, emails are ok.

hi your poem is good,just the bottom line seems a bit out of it why not put
as i love the things you do
or
i adore you and that is true
hope this helps take care

It's cute...but I'm gonna be a little critical. I mean, not everybody is naturally talented...you seem to be one that'll have to work at it. I know that my poems were a little more advanced than this at age 13...
But I'm not here to say anything about me.
If this is in your early works, it's good. If not, keep working. Poetry only gets better with the years you spend with it.