A Poem I'm Working On. How Does It Sound?

Question:Title: Let's Get Wild

I wanna touch you everywhere,
Gently pull your hair,
Make you scream my name,
it's no time to play,this isn't a game.

Your body i'll take my time to explore,
Now baby just relax while I take my tour,
All your wildest dreams i'll fulfill,
If only you can handle what I have to deal.

I wanna make you shake and get weak,
Tonight i'm going to be your freak,
Kissing you from your neck to your toes,
Until I hear your uh's and oh's.

I'm going to get your juices going baby,
Do you until your head get dizzy,
We can do it fast or do it slow,
Just be quiet and go with the flow.

I'm hitting that magic spot,
Damn I know i'm making you hot,
You can call me daddy or boy,
Anything you want because i'm your play toy.

Kissing you on you sexy lips,
As my legs are wraped around your hips,
Here I come i'm about to blow,
You know what you're such a pro.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Title: Let's Get Wild

I wanna touch you everywhere,
Gently pull your hair,
Make you scream my name,
it's no time to play,this isn't a game.

Your body i'll take my time to explore,
Now baby just relax while I take my tour,
All your wildest dreams i'll fulfill,
If only you can handle what I have to deal.

I wanna make you shake and get weak,
Tonight i'm going to be your freak,
Kissing you from your neck to your toes,
Until I hear your uh's and oh's.

I'm going to get your juices going baby,
Do you until your head get dizzy,
We can do it fast or do it slow,
Just be quiet and go with the flow.

I'm hitting that magic spot,
Damn I know i'm making you hot,
You can call me daddy or boy,
Anything you want because i'm your play toy.

Kissing you on you sexy lips,
As my legs are wraped around your hips,
Here I come i'm about to blow,
You know what you're such a pro.

This is a great poem. Don't let people get to when there own poems sound awful.

Really good poem!! Keep writing!!
-Julie-

Trashy erotic writing at its worst ; If I ever wish to control my urges I will read this. Your confusing honesty with vulgarity. You want to give something to the reader, your just saying things I already know! For instance, I know your legs are wrapped around my hips, If you want to excite the reader don't just state something. Anybody can do that, and slap two simple word endings together. Think about not just visualising it, but feeling it. Double word meanings, hyperboles, metaphors and oxymorons. ANYTHING that makes me want to reread the sentence again so I can relive the moment in a new situation. To be frank, baby, i'm not going to lie to get the 10 points, you have no skill. Clique Clique.

Thanks for making me puke.
Never write again.
Seriously. This site has people as young as 13 on it. If you want my opinion your erotica is just as gay as you are.

~sig~
7 days without soccer makes one weak