Tell me what you think: "who's laughing now"?

Question:It was all fun and games
till you made me feel the pain

You always making things worse
you just dont know how much that hurts

The more i try to let you go
the more i tell myself i cant do so

There is not a minute that goes by
that your not on my mind

I need you more than anything else
but i know ill only be hurting myself

No more fun, No more pain
because im tired of being the one to feel the pain

No longer can you make things worse
cause im not gonna let them hurt

I'm saying goodbye and letting go
it's pass time to stop saying no and start saying go

Now the minutes that passes by
are not spent with you in mind

I no longer want you for myself
I'm ready to let you go so i can be with someone else!

**please tell me what you think about it....

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: It was all fun and games
till you made me feel the pain

You always making things worse
you just dont know how much that hurts

The more i try to let you go
the more i tell myself i cant do so

There is not a minute that goes by
that your not on my mind

I need you more than anything else
but i know ill only be hurting myself

No more fun, No more pain
because im tired of being the one to feel the pain

No longer can you make things worse
cause im not gonna let them hurt

I'm saying goodbye and letting go
it's pass time to stop saying no and start saying go

Now the minutes that passes by
are not spent with you in mind

I no longer want you for myself
I'm ready to let you go so i can be with someone else!

**please tell me what you think about it....

Er, this is more of a song than a poem. Your subject is common and cliche, you have blatant end-rhyme, nothing is really thought-provoking. Make us think, instead of coming out and telling us exactly what you want. Use more extravagent vocabularly.

I'm not trying to bash you, don't get me wrong. I just want to help you improve.

However, if you wanted, you could grab and guitar and put this to music and have a catchy tune.

i think it is very good!