What do you think of my dream poem?

Question:A Dream of You

Hours before the dawn
I lie in my bed
remembering my dream of you.

Young and virile,
smiling at the table,
speaking words of love.

The room is dark, my bed empty,
there will be no more sleep
this lonely night.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: A Dream of You

Hours before the dawn
I lie in my bed
remembering my dream of you.

Young and virile,
smiling at the table,
speaking words of love.

The room is dark, my bed empty,
there will be no more sleep
this lonely night.

You state so much with so little and that is exactly what a good poem is supposed to do. I love the third line of the first stanza, you're not even remembering this person, but the dream of them. This, for me, sets the tone for the rest of the poem and makes me wonder, what precisely was the dream was and leaves me wondering...what was the reality?

beautiful

Ah, but there's always tonight! (Smiles.)

I would put some more descriptive words in. Ex: Instead of "dark," dim, or shady. Also it is always good to have senses in poems, ie. Visual, auditory, olfactory, etc. All that you have is visual.

WOW,WOW,WOW, and WOW. Need I say anymore?

its not the rhyming type, which is OK, just i like those kinds because they are catchy.

But i also think that for the type of poem it is, it sounds, efficiently, "dreamy" and that's probably how you wished for it to sound!

Hope you have fun!

awesome

Oh this is beautiful ElaineP. Concise and profound in its brevity. Excellent work.

You've captured loneliness perfectly. Those hours before you are supposed to wake are the hardest.

really sad and relatable. great.

For some reason I find this highly erotic. I know it's supposed to express sadness, etc. But you should realize that all men are pigs.

Beautiful - I love poems which create a picture, and here you have created three. You have crammed so much into so few words - (it's all those Haikus, I reckon). And another thing I like, which I find here, is you haven't crossed all the T's and dotted all the I's - there is plenty left to ponder on.

Thanks

Sounded like you were having one of those dreams from which you would rather note awaken too quickly. Those love words should have been followed by more, but it sounds, unfortunately, like you awoke minutes too soon, and the more was left in limbo.

This is only part one of your dream. Go to be early next night and dream your dream from where you left off.
Think that impossible? not if you want it to happen.

Robert