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Position:Home>Poetry> Suggestions/edits/advice/...Question:It's 2 in the afternoon But it feels like 2 in the morning Cause the atmosphere is so dark And inside it's storming Words and fists are flying The little girl runs for cover She makes it to the basement Just as a lamp is broken She barely survived this storm Nearly 20 years ago She was where her daughter is now When her dad almost killed her Now it's 2 in the afternoon But it feels like 2 in the morning Cause the atmosphere is so dark And inside it's storming She's thinking about this cycle When she turns to see her girl crying Her daughter's holding a gun, while Her husband's on the floor dying It's only 2 in the afternoon But it feels like 2 in the morning Cause the atmosphere is so dark And inside it's storming The screaming doesn't seem to stop The she realizes it's the sirens Everything seems to be a blur She just now realizes she's bleeding She sits down to pray that this cycle will end. It's finally the calm after the storm. Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: It's 2 in the afternoon But it feels like 2 in the morning Cause the atmosphere is so dark And inside it's storming Words and fists are flying The little girl runs for cover She makes it to the basement Just as a lamp is broken She barely survived this storm Nearly 20 years ago She was where her daughter is now When her dad almost killed her Now it's 2 in the afternoon But it feels like 2 in the morning Cause the atmosphere is so dark And inside it's storming She's thinking about this cycle When she turns to see her girl crying Her daughter's holding a gun, while Her husband's on the floor dying It's only 2 in the afternoon But it feels like 2 in the morning Cause the atmosphere is so dark And inside it's storming The screaming doesn't seem to stop The she realizes it's the sirens Everything seems to be a blur She just now realizes she's bleeding She sits down to pray that this cycle will end. It's finally the calm after the storm. In the 26th line I think you wanted to put "then" instead of "the".. but other then that its pretty much amazing!! Good work i really like this, the end game me goose bumps. it probally would be a good song. |