Thoughts on this poem? should I change anything?

Question:You told me to reach for my dreams
But when the illusion shatters
I realize it’s not how it seems
I’m so small nothing matters

Remember when I looked you in the eye
(what did you say?)
And I remember why I started to cry
(what did you say)
Pretend this wasn’t all a lie

I gave so much
To find out it’s all worthless
Why am I here, left
Standing but all out of breath

I thought I was so strong
Just like Superman:
On a Secret Rescue Mission
That went all wrong

And now I am falling
I see, I thought I was so great
Guess the world’s set me straight
’cause now I am crawling

Thought I was supposed to say
“Whatever, it’s all okay”
But now that everything’s falling apart
I should stop pretending

I still can’t tell you to your face
Not by text or on the phone
But I feel so helpless when I’m alone
(What will you say?)

Well I’ll just close my eyes
Pretend that I’m with you
(I hear what you say)
And in this new world
Everything is all Okay

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: You told me to reach for my dreams
But when the illusion shatters
I realize it’s not how it seems
I’m so small nothing matters

Remember when I looked you in the eye
(what did you say?)
And I remember why I started to cry
(what did you say)
Pretend this wasn’t all a lie

I gave so much
To find out it’s all worthless
Why am I here, left
Standing but all out of breath

I thought I was so strong
Just like Superman:
On a Secret Rescue Mission
That went all wrong

And now I am falling
I see, I thought I was so great
Guess the world’s set me straight
’cause now I am crawling

Thought I was supposed to say
“Whatever, it’s all okay”
But now that everything’s falling apart
I should stop pretending

I still can’t tell you to your face
Not by text or on the phone
But I feel so helpless when I’m alone
(What will you say?)

Well I’ll just close my eyes
Pretend that I’m with you
(I hear what you say)
And in this new world
Everything is all Okay

um i think it sounds like a radio song, this could mean $$$ for you!!!!

Its OK.

Maybe richer vocabulary?

That's VERY good. You know you have a natural born talent! I don't think you need to change anything at ALL. You should keep writing.

Thought I was supposed to say
“Whatever, it’s all okay”
But now that everything’s falling apart
i should take that plastic smile off my face

idk :P

wow, its really good! i like it just the way it is..it is your personal form of art!
I love poetry..i write myself!

just dont publish it on poetry.com if you plan on publishing your poems anywhere else..they copyright them :(
I want to publish my own book of poetry, but cant use the
poems i put on there because they now own them..i dont agree with it, but there isnt anything i can do..lol

good luck and have a wonderful day :D

?Crystal

PS
dont stop writing! you are very talented!

I think it is a great start. Poetry call follow many types of formats or can just be free writing. This poem does not follow a specific format, in fact, it's kind of all over the place. For example, the first part....lines 1 and 3 and 2 and 4 rhyme.

You told me to reach for my dreams (A)
But when the illusion shatters (B)
I realize it’s not how it seems (A)
I’m so small nothing matters (B)

the third part.......

I gave so much (A)
To find out it’s all worthless (B)
Why am I here, left (C)
Standing but all out of breath (C)

I just think that it would sound much better if you were consistant with your rhyming and stick with some type of format. Great job though. ;)

fourth line goes with flow but not with idea

second could be clearer

third part don't like the way last line goes

fourth part i would go with
"i thought i was storng/ like superman was/ on a secret missions/ that feel all apart

fifth part would delet i see and so, and something better for crawling

sixth part i like it but need to reword the whole thing

seventh part would go
"can't tell you by face
nor by text or a phone
i feel so helpless
thinking what you would say

eight part would go
" closing my eyes
i pretend you are there
i hear what your saying
of everything okey

my dreams have become a shattered illusion
so tiny and small
they don't matter
unable to find
the pieces are scattered

I looked you in the eye
and began to cry
my worth to you...
could it be a lie

given so much
never receiving
has left me feeling worthless

...but I'm still standing
I am strong...like wonder woman
I'm beautiful and strong

I fell so low from loves high
feet finally on the ground
head out of the sky

what should I do
what should I say
should I act like every things OK

I can never look in your eyes and have you see
that you took so much of me
but I'll close my eyes
and began to move on
and finally realize the love that is gone

I write poetry as well...haha just remixed yours...I had a heartbreak and this stuff comes easy...I guess I still have some issues too huh..but just wanted you to know that you should began to write with power...strenght... own it...let the reader know you can move on, and are on your way...I only right when the mood strikes
but good luck...