What do you think about my poem? (what don't you like?)?

Question:This life’s a f***ed-up puzzle
Everything could’ve fit right together
But I’ve gone and lost all the pieces

Took it and tore it
Watched it fall to the floor
Broken, ripped
Now nothing seems to fit.

I tripped and I fell
So much for first place
I can’t even finish the race
Safest to stop: hide behind a face

I thought I saw the picture so clearly
But now, I see
I guess it’s just not meant to be

I had this picture in my mind
That I could just wait and in time
The pieces would all come together (just fine)

Afraid to show who I am inside
It’s too hard to stand
But there’s no place to hide
Just try ’n keep this picture in my mind

Snapshot of perfection
Looking, still can’t see my reflection
Only a picture in my mind
Nothing that you could find
(Just dreams all lost in time)

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: This life’s a f***ed-up puzzle
Everything could’ve fit right together
But I’ve gone and lost all the pieces

Took it and tore it
Watched it fall to the floor
Broken, ripped
Now nothing seems to fit.

I tripped and I fell
So much for first place
I can’t even finish the race
Safest to stop: hide behind a face

I thought I saw the picture so clearly
But now, I see
I guess it’s just not meant to be

I had this picture in my mind
That I could just wait and in time
The pieces would all come together (just fine)

Afraid to show who I am inside
It’s too hard to stand
But there’s no place to hide
Just try ’n keep this picture in my mind

Snapshot of perfection
Looking, still can’t see my reflection
Only a picture in my mind
Nothing that you could find
(Just dreams all lost in time)

It is great the way you move through your thoughts. You said so many things in good form. I see the style as great as it is but personally I enjoy smoother transitions. Over all Fantastic!!! Keep writing.

its good!

awesome! keep writing. I like the whole thing.

I'm not normally interested in poetry, but I think that your poem is great! It's so sad though - hope that you are really happy. Maybe take the f*** out of the first stanza? Otherwise, you're a natural poet! :)

i like it alot actually, it kinda describes my life too.

i love it!!!!! you really need to keep writing!!!!!

i hate it!!!!! you really need to stop writing!!!!!

You have a lot of things to express, but the words don't seem to be in any cohesive order. Poetry is different from regular speech, it generally has a sense of rhythm and scansion and is designed to be heard.

"This life’s a f***ed-up puzzle
Everything could’ve fit right together
But I’ve gone and lost all the pieces"

It could be :

Everything should fit
But in a puzzle life,
So much is torn to bits
And falling in a riff.

This gets the ideas you are trying to express into a more structured form. Read it outloud and you will hear the rhythm.
Keep writing. You will refine your skills and get better with every poem. I also think it was very brave of you to put your poetry up for people to read. Good luck!

I write poetry as well...I enjoyed the poem...it's meaning was clear...the only part I would recommend "adjusting " would be the part where you indicate you took the puzzle and tore it...metaphorically speaking I don't relate tearing to a puzzle...maybe jumbled pieces,forcing pieces to fit...but they fell to the floor seems to me a little more relative to the puzzle metaphor...try reading your poem WITHOUT this part in it...

I tripped and I fell
So much for first place
I can’t even finish the race
Safest to stop: hide behind a face

...because in a way it seems like two poems when you change the metaphore to RUNNING vs PUZZLES...

and put this part...

Safest to stop: hide behind a face
at the end of this part...

Afraid to show who I am inside
It’s too hard to stand
But there’s no place to hide
Just try ’n keep this picture in my mind
Safest to stop: hide behind a face ...heres an example:

My life’s a f***ed-up puzzle
Everything could’ve fit right together
But I’ve gone and lost all the pieces
Took it and jumbled it
Watched it fall to the floor
Broken, ripped
Now nothing seems to fit.
I thought I saw the picture so clearly
But now, I see
I guess it’s just not meant to be
I had this picture in my mind
That I could just wait and in time
The pieces would all come together (just fine)
Afraid to show who I am inside
It’s too hard to stand
But there’s no place to hide
Just try ’n keep this picture in my mind
Safest to stop: hide behind a face
Snapshot of perfection
Looking, still can’t see my reflection
Only a picture in my mind
Nothing that you could find
(Just dreams all lost in time)

sorry about the changes..it's just an example but it's great :- )

I OVE THIS POEM!!

this poem shows imagination and talent that could be developed. it also sounds like a bit of self pity. develop the talent and the other will take care of itself. good luck.