Please Read and Comment?

Question:I wrote this poem and I wanted to know what you think.

"Lies"

First you say it
To cover up your tracks.
You think it won’t come
Back to haunt you,
But then you find yourself
In a situation where
You think you will get caught,
So you say another,
Then another,
Then another;
Soon they come out so easily,
You cannot control them.
You deceive those around you,
Becoming someone you do not even recognize.
Until the day
When everything falls apart.
You have no friends,
You have no trust,
You do not know what to do,
It’s getting harder to breathe.
You feel like your suffocating when
You walk amongst the crowd,
Your life slowly slipping away.
You do not know what to do.
If you go back and
Recall every one you have said,
Then no one will like your past;
But if you keep on going the way you are,
You find that life has no meaning.
You do not know what to do.
The air is finally running out,
The light quickly dimming,
You find yourself the same way you were
Wh

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I wrote this poem and I wanted to know what you think.

"Lies"

First you say it
To cover up your tracks.
You think it won’t come
Back to haunt you,
But then you find yourself
In a situation where
You think you will get caught,
So you say another,
Then another,
Then another;
Soon they come out so easily,
You cannot control them.
You deceive those around you,
Becoming someone you do not even recognize.
Until the day
When everything falls apart.
You have no friends,
You have no trust,
You do not know what to do,
It’s getting harder to breathe.
You feel like your suffocating when
You walk amongst the crowd,
Your life slowly slipping away.
You do not know what to do.
If you go back and
Recall every one you have said,
Then no one will like your past;
But if you keep on going the way you are,
You find that life has no meaning.
You do not know what to do.
The air is finally running out,
The light quickly dimming,
You find yourself the same way you were
Wh

I don't agree with them. I can feel that someone has been hurt by a lie. That someone is feeling the guilt from all the lies they have sppun. I think it is in your words. I thought it was great. Got anymore?

I don't find it enjoyable, no offense, and Refuse to say such things as others might, who might also relate, like "OMG", but it is descripitive in a needs work way, of what a Lie is and does.

If it's just social commentary, it still needs finessing. If it's to be directed at a specific target, then by all means, deliver it.

A lie is like trying to dig a hole in dry sand.

Steven Wolf
Just my 2 "sense"

I love the idea, but honestly I thought it was a little wordy. Can you go through it line by line and pare it down? Like: Tell the lie Cover your tracks for the first two lines.

It is a bit drawn out and the reader might get a bit bored. lighten it up a bit

uhhh, you get the point across well, and i know where you're going with this, but there isnt a lot of rythm, and you could use better word choice, and put it all together better.