Is this a sucky Poem how can i make it better?

Question:we clasp our hands close praying that we never let go
we follow the path until we reach the end
you leave me there
i cry for you as the blood drips off my hands
my breathing heavy i close my eyes as the blood pours out
I needed you with me
you gave me hope you gave me life
then you crushed it all
now lay as death aprouches only wishing for you

I see you there watching me worried and upset
you rush over scoop me up
then tell to rest

now i am here to day my lips against yours
we only remember the pain we suffred
when we were apart

never again that will happen
then as our finial breaths apear
we whisper into each others ear
I love you now please don't ever let go

so what did you think how can i improve it.
It's for a alternative/punk/pop/emo band.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: we clasp our hands close praying that we never let go
we follow the path until we reach the end
you leave me there
i cry for you as the blood drips off my hands
my breathing heavy i close my eyes as the blood pours out
I needed you with me
you gave me hope you gave me life
then you crushed it all
now lay as death aprouches only wishing for you

I see you there watching me worried and upset
you rush over scoop me up
then tell to rest

now i am here to day my lips against yours
we only remember the pain we suffred
when we were apart

never again that will happen
then as our finial breaths apear
we whisper into each others ear
I love you now please don't ever let go

so what did you think how can i improve it.
It's for a alternative/punk/pop/emo band.

NEVER EVER SAY THAT ANY OF YOUR WORK SUCKS, EVER!!! You are so talented and dont worry what others think, it is what you feel when you write.

No poem sucks. I think yours is very good. You could add more sensory details though so listeners have a movie camera of sights, sounds, tastes etc. playing in their head while they read/listen to this awesome poem.

Good job!

I see you there watching me, worried and upset
you rush over to scoop me up
then tell me to rest.

Where does the blood come from? A cut? What cut you? How did it cut you? Check your spelling and punctuation and you'll have a very good poem. It's not sucky at all.

This has the potential to be very good. Grammar needs to be fixed, and you can add more about what happened to "me" in the poem. As it is, we know he/she is bleeding, and that there was an accident of sorts. But that is all we know. We need to know more in order to piece the poem together and appreciate its ending. Also, this would read better with punctuation. Good luck revising.

Do what I do. Hold onto it.

I can't tell you how many times I've gotten phrases and such and written them down. Later I would return to them and whole poems came from them.

This has a good central theme. Go back to it over time and begin to pull out the different ideas it will give you.