song i wrote?

Question:we all live such fake lives these days and
heaven knows i couldn't make you stay
Here with me.
So you think it will help, but you’re going all upset
For reasons that don’t make sense and people who don‘t give a ****.
You know that you’re living for it all…
You liar.

It’s all wrong
The things you do
It’s all messed up the way I look at you…
And when I hear your voice I want to scream
Cause when I hear that I think of lies.
It sounds harsh but you know it’s true
Cuz when I think of you I know it’s not alrgiht,
It’ll never be alright

You think they know that you’ve got hard
But they don’t.
They never will and they wouldn’t, they wouldn’t care if they did.
You know that you aren’t even trying anymore.
You know that it’s going wrong again.
I see that you’re losing it and I feel your confidence
Slippin’ away
Slippin’ away

It’s all wrong
The things you do
It’s all messed up the way I look at you…
And when I hear your voice I want to scream
Cause I when I hear that I think of lies.
It sounds harsh but you know it’s true
Cause when I think of you I know it’s not alright
It’ll never be alright.

And when I call you,
You hardly ever pick up
And when you do…
You sound so upset.
You sound so mad and tired of it all.
“something’s gotta give” that’s all you say.
You’re fooling yourself
Caught up in a web
Strands of lies
Shining in the bright of the night
You’re all alone now
You’re such a mess
You can’t see it at all
Because
Tonight you’re finally alone
Tonight you’re finally at home
By yourself with no place to go
You’re stuck with the truth
The truth stings a little at first
It always does
To take the pain away would be a lie.
Cause it does hurt
No matter what you tell your friends
Because everything,
Everything is about to change

It’s all wrong
The things you do
It’s all messed up the way I look at you…
And when I hear your voice I want to scream
Cause I when I hear that I think of lies.
It sounds harsh but you know it’s true
Cause when I think of you I know it’s not alright
It’ll never be alright.

Ooh hoo…o0h woahhh…o0h wah woah woah, and-

It’s all wrong
The things you do
It’s all messed up the way I look at you…
And when I hear your voice I want to scream
Cause I when I hear that I think of lies.
It sounds harsh but you know it’s true
Cause when I think of you I know it’s not alright
It’ll never be alright.
It’s all wrong
The things you do
It’s all messed up the way I look at you…
And when I hear your voice I want to scream
Cause I when I hear that I think of lies.
It sounds harsh but you know it’s true
Cause when I think of you I know it’s not alright
It’ll never be alright.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: we all live such fake lives these days and
heaven knows i couldn't make you stay
Here with me.
So you think it will help, but you’re going all upset
For reasons that don’t make sense and people who don‘t give a ****.
You know that you’re living for it all…
You liar.

It’s all wrong
The things you do
It’s all messed up the way I look at you…
And when I hear your voice I want to scream
Cause when I hear that I think of lies.
It sounds harsh but you know it’s true
Cuz when I think of you I know it’s not alrgiht,
It’ll never be alright

You think they know that you’ve got hard
But they don’t.
They never will and they wouldn’t, they wouldn’t care if they did.
You know that you aren’t even trying anymore.
You know that it’s going wrong again.
I see that you’re losing it and I feel your confidence
Slippin’ away
Slippin’ away

It’s all wrong
The things you do
It’s all messed up the way I look at you…
And when I hear your voice I want to scream
Cause I when I hear that I think of lies.
It sounds harsh but you know it’s true
Cause when I think of you I know it’s not alright
It’ll never be alright.

And when I call you,
You hardly ever pick up
And when you do…
You sound so upset.
You sound so mad and tired of it all.
“something’s gotta give” that’s all you say.
You’re fooling yourself
Caught up in a web
Strands of lies
Shining in the bright of the night
You’re all alone now
You’re such a mess
You can’t see it at all
Because
Tonight you’re finally alone
Tonight you’re finally at home
By yourself with no place to go
You’re stuck with the truth
The truth stings a little at first
It always does
To take the pain away would be a lie.
Cause it does hurt
No matter what you tell your friends
Because everything,
Everything is about to change

It’s all wrong
The things you do
It’s all messed up the way I look at you…
And when I hear your voice I want to scream
Cause I when I hear that I think of lies.
It sounds harsh but you know it’s true
Cause when I think of you I know it’s not alright
It’ll never be alright.

Ooh hoo…o0h woahhh…o0h wah woah woah, and-

It’s all wrong
The things you do
It’s all messed up the way I look at you…
And when I hear your voice I want to scream
Cause I when I hear that I think of lies.
It sounds harsh but you know it’s true
Cause when I think of you I know it’s not alright
It’ll never be alright.
It’s all wrong
The things you do
It’s all messed up the way I look at you…
And when I hear your voice I want to scream
Cause I when I hear that I think of lies.
It sounds harsh but you know it’s true
Cause when I think of you I know it’s not alright
It’ll never be alright.

The theme is very clear. I think you know what you want to say. In my opinion I would focus on brevity. Be more deliberate and not as ambiguous, make sure every line tells the reader exactly what you want to say. "it's all wrong" is very vague. write what you want to write, who am I to tell you what you want to say. You've got the pen not me.

Stay in school, learn a skill.

that's really good! keep up the great work! :DDDD

NICE

this is really good- you are very talented

its seems like a really strong poem, and its really good, just be more positive about yourself :)

amazing if you write any more email it to me Grey-man123@hotmail.com

it's pretty good. Just drop the OoooOoOHhhHH... thing

It sounds like it comes from deep inside of you. Do you have a lot of pain?

And you have talent. Keep going. Keep trusting the voice inside of you. Don't let other people stifle your creativity. Trust your instincts.

i absolutely love this poem. it is wonderful. nice job. don't ever stop writing!!!!

i think it i really great....all you hear now is love songs and their all lies to make everything smooth but yours is about true things things that really hurt and pain that people all over feel everyday because they have been betrayed by someone that they loved or cared about a lot and i really think that it is a good song/poem and i would definitely like to listen to it if it was on the radio....i love it...good job hope to hear more

It's ok

It's very good you are gifted it's very inspirational