Tried to dig deep on this one. Whadd'ya think?

Question:I've Had My Days

I've lived my life up to this moment;
I'm here for what makes me.
They say in life we can't be perfect-
But what other way could I be?

Reflecting on all the days gone by,
I can see how they've come to pass:
Joys and triumphs short lived as rainbows
And sadness I could not surpass.

There've been days that I took life in stride,
Days I ruled the world in my heart.
There've been days I could not understand
What I thought I knew from the start.

There've been days I felt I had lost myself
To freely join hands with the wind-
Drifting by, invisible and dry
And not one breath need I rescind.

There've been days I stood before myself
(I looked so proud and stood so tall!).
While at other times I shed bright tears-
The creature cow’red so sad and small.

I've laughed and danced, felt so entranced,
Been lost as a shepherd-less lamb-
I've had my days, my storm clouds and rays-
And they're the wonder of who I am.

--swoosh

Critiques/ Comments?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I've Had My Days

I've lived my life up to this moment;
I'm here for what makes me.
They say in life we can't be perfect-
But what other way could I be?

Reflecting on all the days gone by,
I can see how they've come to pass:
Joys and triumphs short lived as rainbows
And sadness I could not surpass.

There've been days that I took life in stride,
Days I ruled the world in my heart.
There've been days I could not understand
What I thought I knew from the start.

There've been days I felt I had lost myself
To freely join hands with the wind-
Drifting by, invisible and dry
And not one breath need I rescind.

There've been days I stood before myself
(I looked so proud and stood so tall!).
While at other times I shed bright tears-
The creature cow’red so sad and small.

I've laughed and danced, felt so entranced,
Been lost as a shepherd-less lamb-
I've had my days, my storm clouds and rays-
And they're the wonder of who I am.

--swoosh

Critiques/ Comments?

Hmm....

In my personal opinion...

I really don't like the line "Joys and triumphs short lived as rainbows" Something about it, it sort of seems... childlike? And then the rest of your poem seems more adult. I could totally understand that maybe the way you felt as you triumphed over something reminded you of how you were as a child... or you became overjoyed like you did when you were younger...

But the line sort of doesn't really fit with the rest of the poem, even though it is relating to the weather, which you relate to, I can't really fit it into the puzzle because... it's something that I'd expect someone younger to write, in different words, like, "my happiness burst like rainbows from clouds" or something like that-- and the rest of your poem is so cultured and nice, so I can't really understand why this line stands out to me so much at all, nor can I tell you how to fix it...

Still, I would take another look at it.

Wow, that is good.
I like it.
Nothing really to critique.
Nice work:)

Lovely! How many times have I danced in your shoes! (Hope you didn't mind!) How 'bout a few more like this one.

The flux of positive and negative which is your life is so beautifully illuminated by your words. The "wonder of who I am" is what exists in this moment, as defined by the reality created by all the positive and negative emotions and experiences. This is very meaningful and potent. It is an excellent poem. I love it. Thank you.

You have captured the essence of life -- of the ebb and flow of joy and sorrow; it is the universality of the poem that will touch many and they will know they are not alone.

Publish.

I forever wish us all to search deeper in ourselves when we write out poetry... to see it happen is a beautiful thing.

Swoosh, Swoosh, Swoosh...it's long...for such a short journey. You paint a lovely picture. I think you should start thinking small...little exploding grenades of verse....just my overactive opinion...TD

wow! Im speechless! I read all the other answers ,so there's not much left to say...except this was literally the best poem i've ever read!
It was so deep and emotional. Like i could relate to every word.
It is truly beautiful.
I thank u from the bottom of my heart for sharing this with us! It has touched me,i shall never forget this work of angellic art.
=]
?

For some reason I previously thought that you were only eighteen years old. If, indeed that is the case, then you have no business writing a poem of such depth, maturity, and incipient wisdom. You dug deep and you hit pay-dirt.
I have noticed that you and several others choose not to have a space between a word and a dash. I like it with a space. (Gimme some room, man!) Was this a considered move, or did you just dash this one off?
Did you ever have one of those days? Well, evidently you have.