Poem, about my friend's suicide.. criticism?

Question:i often find myself thinking of his pen.
the pen he clenched in his shaking hand,
helping him to write the words "it's never worth it."
the pen sitting only a few feet away as he ended his life.
an accomplice to my friends suicide,
i hate this pen.
i often find myself thinking about his gun.
the gun he held in his shaking hands.
it must have felt his urgency.
the gun that ended his life so abruptly.
an accomplice to my friend's suicide,
i hate this gun.
i often find myself thinking of my friend.
my friend whose last minutes were spent in sadness.
the friend that chose a detour to his death.
what he wrote with the pen reassured him.
the texture of the trigger told him there was no going back.
centimeters between life and death, he chose death.
the pen and the gun so blinding-
he couldn't realize how missed he would be.
i miss this friend.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: i often find myself thinking of his pen.
the pen he clenched in his shaking hand,
helping him to write the words "it's never worth it."
the pen sitting only a few feet away as he ended his life.
an accomplice to my friends suicide,
i hate this pen.
i often find myself thinking about his gun.
the gun he held in his shaking hands.
it must have felt his urgency.
the gun that ended his life so abruptly.
an accomplice to my friend's suicide,
i hate this gun.
i often find myself thinking of my friend.
my friend whose last minutes were spent in sadness.
the friend that chose a detour to his death.
what he wrote with the pen reassured him.
the texture of the trigger told him there was no going back.
centimeters between life and death, he chose death.
the pen and the gun so blinding-
he couldn't realize how missed he would be.
i miss this friend.

i like the emphasis on the tools at hand he used in expressing his feelings. nice work, i quite like it.
i hope the first guy takes a step back from being so rude.

Make the lines go more smoothly.
Other then that it's good.

1st guy's a douche bag.

Pretty powerful stuff.... It's hard to like any art on the subject to be honest.

I know how you feel.

That was an excellent,touching poem. You are a really good poet and if this refers to a real situation, you can get through it. Sometimes things happen in life. We cant always be there for our friends but the affection that you had for him counts. Poetry is a great way to express how you feel. I write poetry too.

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or Destiny504@verizon.net

I miss my friend as well. He committed suicide 3 years ago and I still think of him daily. I like your poem alot. It is very clear and to the point.

Thank you

I like it. As a person who has thought about sucicde ( a long time ago ) and as someone who knows people who have, it hits the mark.

It is a wonderful powerful poem.
I liked that the pen & the gun wee almost just as bad as your friends actions. It is a healtlhy way for you to cope.

Suicide is a very selfish way to die & that person has no clue of the grief and sadness they have left behind,

His depression and sense of self got so low that he Lost all common sense. Many people think of it, most don't
You will go through a variety of feelings. Let yourself grieve.
The poem is profound

Nice, thoughtful.

I am so very sorry for your loss.I think it's a beautiful poem. It came from a loving heart so it's very precious. I hope that you will find peace sometime. I don't know what else to say. I know you are hurting. I've been in your shoes and I've dealt with a friend's death in that after all the, you know, anger and the how could she have done this? Why did she do this? I miss her so badly I realize that I have my own life to live and I can't stop my life just because she ended hers. It took almost two years for me to get over it but I got myself together. Your poem shows your emotions too.

I have no critique of this piece. I've read it three times and it has a unique flavor and flow all its own; I will attribute this to the sorrow that bleeds all through these lines. It says everything so well and speaks volumes to your sadness right now.
I totally disagree with your first poster (if I call him what I really want to call him Yahoo won't like me much) in that I think yours is a beautiful eulogy for a friend. Most people probably wouldn't even have a friend that thought this much about them to take the time to express their pain at having lost a good friend to such a momentary decision.

I am so sorry. And I am so sorry for his parents and other loved ones as well who now must find the courage within themselves to live on.
If only people understood how painful it is to be on the receiving end of such a lasting last memory of them. No matter how bleak life seems to be, there is always loved ones and friends who would be shattered to lose you.
Very well done. Keep writing, it really helps to get stuff like this out of you. I'm sorry for your loss.