Please read;Do you like my poem?

Question:I took my daughter to a toy shop today
I let her out and she went off to play
Her eyes lit up as though it were sparked
by the array of colours as soon as we embarked
on the path to this world of toys.

Straight over to the pink display
Where a princess dresser did lay
She sat on the stool and brushed her hair
Within the mirror where her reflection did glare
Smiles of glee and purity.

Then over to where the instruments did lie
Drums, pianos, recorders and bull’s-eye!
An xylophone; she went in the zone
Nodding her head to her un-tuned melody
Oh how she loves to play.

She then found all the many Disney balls
All of different sizes and how she recalls
Of her want for one of these with her Tigger
Who she does adore, she now walks with a swagger;
Holding her chosen ball around the shop.

It’s now time to leave and go when
I manage to catch her and strap her back in
Oh how she objects when I prise her away
But she’s had a wonderful eventful day
I’ll come back one day to buy her desired Tigger ball.

- Kirsty Mapes

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I took my daughter to a toy shop today
I let her out and she went off to play
Her eyes lit up as though it were sparked
by the array of colours as soon as we embarked
on the path to this world of toys.

Straight over to the pink display
Where a princess dresser did lay
She sat on the stool and brushed her hair
Within the mirror where her reflection did glare
Smiles of glee and purity.

Then over to where the instruments did lie
Drums, pianos, recorders and bull’s-eye!
An xylophone; she went in the zone
Nodding her head to her un-tuned melody
Oh how she loves to play.

She then found all the many Disney balls
All of different sizes and how she recalls
Of her want for one of these with her Tigger
Who she does adore, she now walks with a swagger;
Holding her chosen ball around the shop.

It’s now time to leave and go when
I manage to catch her and strap her back in
Oh how she objects when I prise her away
But she’s had a wonderful eventful day
I’ll come back one day to buy her desired Tigger ball.

- Kirsty Mapes

This delightful poem has great possibilities. Looking at it constructively, some words have only been used because you think they rhyme, as have some of the lines. It does need to flow more evenly so I suggest you rewrite it as four line per verse poem and resubmit it.

A little girl in a toy store, a lovely setting.

With respect

Robert

I think it's pretty good for a first draft.
Nice:)

I like this. It's very cute and refreshing. Bravo.

One can most assuredly see that you are a mother with these words... I was awed... AWWWW!

I really like it, but it is a bit rhythmically uneven!
But i love the idea and setting!
Well Done!

YES!! i really like it! good job!