Will someone rate my poem, and give me some feedback on it!? I'd really appe

Question:Sometimes I listen, wanting to hear,
what it is that we all fear.
Is it the dark?
The journey which we must choose to embark?
Or can it be the unknown,the uncertain,
and the final drop of the curtain?
Or mabey its the road,
so treacherous and completely filled with utter woe.
Where we all reach a point,
with nothing in sight.
And nowhere to go,
as desolate and foreboding as a cold hello.
From the darkness, waiting to greet,
its most anticipated victim, who will now reach defeat,
and is forced to turn himself over and retreat,
into the most darkest places of his heart.
Where he is tested, and bound to depart,
this living world, where he has come to realize,
he must sever all of his remaining ties.
He is despondent, not wanting to leave,
he doesnt want to remain in the hands of this cruel theif.
Begging like all of mankind.
But the darkness is firm, and defined,
not wanting to leave him behind,
takeing and him away sincerily and boldly, both of them entwined.
To plunge furthur into the darkness,wether ready or not.
This is a sure shot...
Both of them fall.
One man gone.
And again rises a new dawn.
Where i am withdrawn,
listening to the darkness, where i cannot hear nor see.
Hopefully the next one, will not be me.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Sometimes I listen, wanting to hear,
what it is that we all fear.
Is it the dark?
The journey which we must choose to embark?
Or can it be the unknown,the uncertain,
and the final drop of the curtain?
Or mabey its the road,
so treacherous and completely filled with utter woe.
Where we all reach a point,
with nothing in sight.
And nowhere to go,
as desolate and foreboding as a cold hello.
From the darkness, waiting to greet,
its most anticipated victim, who will now reach defeat,
and is forced to turn himself over and retreat,
into the most darkest places of his heart.
Where he is tested, and bound to depart,
this living world, where he has come to realize,
he must sever all of his remaining ties.
He is despondent, not wanting to leave,
he doesnt want to remain in the hands of this cruel theif.
Begging like all of mankind.
But the darkness is firm, and defined,
not wanting to leave him behind,
takeing and him away sincerily and boldly, both of them entwined.
To plunge furthur into the darkness,wether ready or not.
This is a sure shot...
Both of them fall.
One man gone.
And again rises a new dawn.
Where i am withdrawn,
listening to the darkness, where i cannot hear nor see.
Hopefully the next one, will not be me.

I myself love to right poems in my free time.. I'm a sophomore in high school.. my life is pretty crappy .. I've screwed up a lot and I'm still young... Poems always have a meaning behind it.. whether its the corniest poem ever it still has a story behind it.. I can tell there is something deeper then this poem.. its good.. maybe a tragedy in your life I'm not sure.. I agree with a lot of the other people about the rhyming thing... your rhymes fit nicely and your poem has meaning but think of it this way.. you have a huge selection of word that can make your poem deeper and get the point across even more.. rhyming limits your creativity... its your choice though this poem is more for you then anyone else... but my opinion is take it to the next level and make other people feel the overwhelming emotions you are going through when you put your mind on paper. Keep writing.. I would like to hear more.. I know writing is the only way I make it to the next day...

Meghan

it's good but the ryhming kinda takes away from it, it'd be better if it was just free style and instead of trying to make it rhyme you chose the best fitting words... it makes it sound too kiddish, and some words could be replaced with better ones.

Not really sure what you are talking about in this poem. What's your thesis? What's your point? You did a nice job of rhyming your words, but other than that, i didnt get the point.

Wow that's deep. I totally understand where your coming from.
I wonder the same things.

Now don't worry about the people who don't get it, or the people who claim to hate it. All that means is that You've written something really deep. It wouldn't be great with out some haters.

That's really good, I like it except that it seems like you tried to hard to make it rhyme, I think it would sound better if it didn't.