Poem - Painted Man - Do You Like?

Question:Painted Man

Constant drive of the drums
pound and pounce upon me
Smell of gun smoke and sin
overpower deeply

Fast Horse his given name
sung throughout the mesas
Bare-chested and burnt brown
penetrating senses

Flash floods and wildfires
lightening strikes and dew
Footprints firmly planted
camouflage the view

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Painted Man

Constant drive of the drums
pound and pounce upon me
Smell of gun smoke and sin
overpower deeply

Fast Horse his given name
sung throughout the mesas
Bare-chested and burnt brown
penetrating senses

Flash floods and wildfires
lightening strikes and dew
Footprints firmly planted
camouflage the view

Oh, I like this so much! The alliteration is subtle, but so effective and the imagery is strong and clear. This poem is certainly one of your best.

Started strong, with the pounding (and pouncing, liked that ) drums, but then it kind of petered out a little bit. Lost the drumbeat, at least for me. Can you get it back?

Great use of the word 'mesas,' how many of us had to look that one up?!

Lightning, by the way, not lightening.

(When one lives near mesas, one does not have to look it up!)
You are describing history, which abounds around here. Have a friend (and I am going to tape his stories) who is much more than knowledgeable about the comings and goings...i.e. the Spaniards and Indians who frequented this area. Great offering!

Very nice. The image is wonderful. I especially like the line "Bare-chested and burnt brown" Half of my family is very much Cherokee and I can almost see my cousin, whom I love dearly, in the role of your Fast Horse. Lovely poem. I very much enjoyed it. It brought back lots of great memories of times spent with my favorite cousin.

Your imagery is as powerful and tangible as the Painted Man that I am envisioning. There are many wonderful lines throughout that construct a beautiful poem. This is excellent work. Thank you.

Gun smoke and sin upon the mesa ? That painted a picture. Overall, an excellent choice of words, one could picture the strong warrior upon his mustang hunting on the mesa with the summertime thunderstorm in the background. You lost me with the last two lines as if you were implying memories or you as an observer. Perhaps neither but you got me to think . Excellent work.

Yes, I like it. You are painting a scene and an image, worth the wait.

i love it.

Very powerful.

Pretty good, reminds me of some fierce Comanche warriors.

Very, very, good!

This...wow...this. I love the imagery that the title gives to the poem, the connotation that explains the rest of the verses. You have a very feral fear here, I can see the red canyons, the lightning storms, and smell the gun smoke and sin...all very intoxicating. This is a masterpiece.