Do you approve of this poem?

Question:Punished for all the false crimes.
I've scored no goals,
Shelved many types of fish.
I can't change my mind every minute.
The only thing that is constant is death.
Regurgitating my bile constantly,
When it comes to women with no pride.
I am not like this with my confessors.
I don't have to eat the meat of elves with them.
I don't feel obligated to shave shingles off them.
I know we've mutated before,
In the scientific slime.
But now you daunt me from the front.
I like to be daunted.
I just want corn and potatoes,
And companions to peel them with,
lol.
And to haunt me.
I don't want the similarities,
Or the what was her name,
Or the what was his shoelace doing hanging from the mirror.
Yes, my voice is pitchy and my heart is pounding.
But my Christ card still stares me down
On the window sill.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Punished for all the false crimes.
I've scored no goals,
Shelved many types of fish.
I can't change my mind every minute.
The only thing that is constant is death.
Regurgitating my bile constantly,
When it comes to women with no pride.
I am not like this with my confessors.
I don't have to eat the meat of elves with them.
I don't feel obligated to shave shingles off them.
I know we've mutated before,
In the scientific slime.
But now you daunt me from the front.
I like to be daunted.
I just want corn and potatoes,
And companions to peel them with,
lol.
And to haunt me.
I don't want the similarities,
Or the what was her name,
Or the what was his shoelace doing hanging from the mirror.
Yes, my voice is pitchy and my heart is pounding.
But my Christ card still stares me down
On the window sill.

Continued,
weak lines: 3,5,12,17,19
excellent lines 7,8,9,10,13,14,15,16,20,22,23,24
As you can see this poem is far more of a success than a failure.

Yupp.
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Beautiful... Did you write it?

I can see that you have gotten your thoughts on the paper, and that is GREAT!

It does however, need a little help with the flow. Try playing with the words a little. I get lost trying to follow from one set of similes to the next.

mmmmmmmmmhm.

Very nice and thoughtful!

pretty good but use more metaphors instead of actual meanings maybe