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Position:Home>Poetry> ~*Fading Faces*~.......?Question:From: ~*Memoirs of a Wingless Angel*~ Fading Faces My blood washed your name from the veins leading to my heart. No longer shall I drink from the poisonous oasis, filled with words you use to p acify me with; My memory knows you not, and my eyes shall not reminisce upon your face; My heart shall once again take its throne, seated upon my sleeve... Hoping that passers by do not see it mounted, and tear it away from me; Roll of thunder that foretells the rain's rall, deny me not; Tell the winds to sing my name wrapped in a sullen lullaby; The skies shall then look upon me, and in turn shed tears for my sorrowful heart... Lacrimosa; ~*WinglessAngel*~ Tell me what you all think, please and thankyou Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: From: ~*Memoirs of a Wingless Angel*~ Fading Faces My blood washed your name from the veins leading to my heart. No longer shall I drink from the poisonous oasis, filled with words you use to p acify me with; My memory knows you not, and my eyes shall not reminisce upon your face; My heart shall once again take its throne, seated upon my sleeve... Hoping that passers by do not see it mounted, and tear it away from me; Roll of thunder that foretells the rain's rall, deny me not; Tell the winds to sing my name wrapped in a sullen lullaby; The skies shall then look upon me, and in turn shed tears for my sorrowful heart... Lacrimosa; ~*WinglessAngel*~ Tell me what you all think, please and thankyou Good, but a bit of a cliche 'depressed' poem. Your punctuation/stanza format needs a little sprucing up. It gets an 8.5/10 for me. Nice descriptions, good use of slightly Old English. I especially like the line about the 'poisonous oasis'. However, again, it's a little bit cliche. It's nice i like it. Mrs,,,M,,,,=^-^=,,,,,Ok you Ask,,,It's good,,,very Good,,,BUT,,,,You are Like the happiness of a tear,,the beauty of Love,,the pure of Heart's,,,,the life of the living,,,will you please wright something about ,, Aura of spirit and Beauty with a smile,,,and Glow,,,,it is good Love it!!!! pretty good i like it I think it is good and has potential to be even better. The first two lines are wonderful. Structure and punctuation needs to be worked, but that is easy. The content is nice, but a bit on the hopeless side. Wearing your hear upon your sleeve is a bit cliche, but I like the way you worded it. I personally like a poem in which the protagonist is strong and can overcome, but that's just me. It needs a little work...mostly editing, but it's definitely not bad. Keep writing because you do have talent. too detailed but its good it'll totally help you in becoming a famouse poet or something!! lol |