Poem :P what you think?

Question:~Where we forget~

When i lie in my bed i see a world apart, a world where i can imagine anything and any place, a sea of vivid images, nightmares and brutality all the same.

monsters murder, flowers and birds, dreams are beauitful and violent, no matter how bad it gets it's always better than the world we live in.

so as i lay in my bed i sleep so peacefully, i occasionaly wake in distress to see the world i loved does not really exist.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: ~Where we forget~

When i lie in my bed i see a world apart, a world where i can imagine anything and any place, a sea of vivid images, nightmares and brutality all the same.

monsters murder, flowers and birds, dreams are beauitful and violent, no matter how bad it gets it's always better than the world we live in.

so as i lay in my bed i sleep so peacefully, i occasionaly wake in distress to see the world i loved does not really exist.

Very vivid. Wonderful!

hmm

I love it! Reminds me of my own work. :)

Yeah great content but break it up a bit into real free verse eg:
When I lie in my bed I see a world apart,
Where I can imagine anything and anyplace.
A sea of vivid images...
It could be great!

That's a good start. I have a few suggestions though..

"i see a world apart" <-- this sort of throws me off.. I'm not sure what you mean there.

Also, I agree that breaking the poem up into more lines could help you get your message across better and make the poem much easier to read. Line breaks can even add meaning to a poem - you could use short lines when you talk about the frightening things, and then longer ones that flow together when you're talking about the flowers, birds, peacefulness, etc. Break them up as you wish - be creative with it.

Superb!

dreadful

It's great! Keep it up!