A rewrite from long ago...dark and gothic, I think it has more punch. How do u l

Question:"the craving"

Mistress of my darkest hour,
I know who and what you are.
Screams that haunt my very sleep,
from nightmares long ago.

Dark angels taste my salty tears,
whispering softly in my ear.
My veins spill forth deep dark red,
like your lips I love so much.

No one can seperate us,
no place shall bar our path.
You are the sadness in my eyes,
the agony that defines my cry.

If evil is all that we are,
and fire burns the sky.
Come to me my perfect love,
grant me my dark desire.

At night I hear, the dead can sing,
a poets hymn, a gentle breeze.
Teach me all your secrets,
I've no fear of your life's fire.

I have come for your embrace,
Gently touch your lips to mine.
I sense the splendor that awaits,
I crave you now, forever more.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: "the craving"

Mistress of my darkest hour,
I know who and what you are.
Screams that haunt my very sleep,
from nightmares long ago.

Dark angels taste my salty tears,
whispering softly in my ear.
My veins spill forth deep dark red,
like your lips I love so much.

No one can seperate us,
no place shall bar our path.
You are the sadness in my eyes,
the agony that defines my cry.

If evil is all that we are,
and fire burns the sky.
Come to me my perfect love,
grant me my dark desire.

At night I hear, the dead can sing,
a poets hymn, a gentle breeze.
Teach me all your secrets,
I've no fear of your life's fire.

I have come for your embrace,
Gently touch your lips to mine.
I sense the splendor that awaits,
I crave you now, forever more.

I remember this one, and I agree, the flow is better and it does read with a much richer voice. Love the little Raven reference at the end too! Kudos!

dreadful

Magnificent.
Let sorrow kiss your lips in despair, and grant you dischord on your darkest night. Shadows lurk and wait for your demise and drink the flames that grant you serenity... But in darkness, shall light await, and emerse you before the wretched shadow consumes your body... Lacrimosa
~*WinglessAngel*~

Check the meter on "I've no fear of your life's fire", it didn't sound right as I read. This genre is not my style but the poem flows well and has some great images.

this poem is so awesome. i love it, you have a gift of making the reader feel like they are right there, living out the words, it takes some amazing talent to draw people in the way that you do. this is definitely one of the best ones that you have written, and thats not an easy feat, because they are all so good. awesome work.

Once again BRAVO DARLING!

Keep writing, letting it all out. Open up to us with the words that you write.

It's late and I have only just started on this page. Quickly reading all three of your recent postings, to my mind this is vastly superior to the other two.
(sp. separate) However,
have you noticed that when I write poetry, I try different rhyme schemes, different topics, different metres?
This is mainly experimentation on my part - but it is also to ensure that anyone who reads my stuff isn't going to think...Here she goes again, same old thing again and again.
Unfortunately, I am not particularly fond of gothic subjects or anquished cries in poetry (or novels for that matter) - so, I can critique a poems like this, but it isn't much fun for me.
Have you got any lighter things, even any humourous stuff?
I should like to read that if you have.

"I've no fear of your life's fire."

That was an intense line!!!
Whoa!!

thanks for sharing, enjoy your trip come what may.

The truth is out there