Poem,comments ?

Question:I"m thinking about the tree of life
The weathers gone mad
storm clouds are gathering
hurricanes are blowin"
dads off his tree
hooting and raving
mothers with poor ophelia wailing
for poor little Joe
ran off the road
on a dark tuesday night
dreams vanishing
was seen standing at the cross roads
then carried himself
off with the angles to heaven

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I"m thinking about the tree of life
The weathers gone mad
storm clouds are gathering
hurricanes are blowin"
dads off his tree
hooting and raving
mothers with poor ophelia wailing
for poor little Joe
ran off the road
on a dark tuesday night
dreams vanishing
was seen standing at the cross roads
then carried himself
off with the angles to heaven

"the weather's gone mad"--that's a line that you'll remember when you're 60 and still know, "Goddam, I'm brilliant"

one of the best pieces of advice I've ever gotten was about
-ing verbs. it's kinda like putting a jacket around the verb, and the word pops a bit more w/ out it:
"storm clouds are gathering" = "storm clouds gather"
"hurricans are blowin'" is actually kinda cool; I'd leave that one.
"poor Ophelia wailing"= "poor Ophelia wails" (that one's actually a judgement call)
"dreams vanishing"="dreams vanish" (I might actually take that line out, I feel like the poem is too smart for it. It's totally up to you, but I feel like it's the only part of the poem that doesn't come off as 100% original; and everything else is completely fresh, never-been-done-before kinda ****.

you're an amazing poet. you make it LOOK easy. It's a great poem. be proud.

it sounds like a city. lolz

>=o
yay free 2 points

btw its nice =)

I'm thinking of a pretty piano,
Singing joy to life
In it's own little words
And it's own strife.
It was a gloomy day
Little Joe, it's time.
Take the oar.
Pass to the trapdoor.

Score.
You're ashore.
Pass to the trapdoor.

Angels not angles nice poem. Really funny.

why do you waste your time on this site, when yo have the talent to do so GOOD, just take chances and publish your peoms in your newspaper, wait for replies, and then bathe yourself in the compliments.

thank you once again, your damn good

*waves at you*

Wonderful imagery in this poem and a startling ending. Have you been to Mars?

WOW that is a VERY nice poem! did you wrote that or did you get that out of a book? it sounds like a professional poem, if you wrote that then i would say it again WOOOOOOOOOOW you are a VERY good poet,

thanx for making my day!!!