Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> The day that Dave died, a poem.What can you say about it, comment?


Question:The day dave died

Dave died today, a stain
Sour, lost and in vain
Glued to his chain
Clearly inhumane.
As a nerd, Dave remained mundane
He tried once to explain
That he jumped on a train
He said it was so urbain
Much so that he was insane
More so that he was champagne
Gossip so inane
His mouth a campaign.


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: The day dave died

Dave died today, a stain
Sour, lost and in vain
Glued to his chain
Clearly inhumane.
As a nerd, Dave remained mundane
He tried once to explain
That he jumped on a train
He said it was so urbain
Much so that he was insane
More so that he was champagne
Gossip so inane
His mouth a campaign.

You placed a smile upon my face
There was a frown in that place
Dave had to die, he left a space
An ugly stain that we must replace
Perhaps red satin, with a bit of lace??
Was he forgot? Such is the case
His girlfriend celebrates, her name is Grace...
A wasted existence, now a change of pace!!!

Temari

Thanks Aona, this was an unexpected surprise!! Much love always! Report It


Other Answers (3)




="shown">
  • overladyofdreams's Avatar by overlady...
    Member since:
    May 14, 2007
    Total points:
    99 (Level 1)

    ="network">
  • Add to My Contacts
  • Block User

  • Well, it seems that you kind of sacrificed meaning for rhyming purposes, maybe add a few more words here and there? That might do it =)

    Don't wanna be harsh buty I don't like it. Maybe it's the kind of rhyme that I personally dislike, but I'm certain you could do better.

    What really happend to dave ( true story )

    ONCE UPON A RAINY NIGHT


    I was waking on the rhythm
    of the falling drops of rain.
    cant resist
    the temptation
    of looking back at you
    yet cant knock her door
    that i once did before
    a picture of your smile
    still in my heart
    when you
    first opened that door
    A drop of rain
    falls in my eye
    my eyes roll
    i see you
    on your door step
    yet there is
    someone else
    next to you
    putting his hand on your hair
    i walk towards you
    slowly as the rain slows
    pick a white rose
    on my way
    simply remove
    his cold hand
    put the rose in your hair
    like i used to do
    when ever i see you
    just be happy
    said i with a smile
    i turn around
    and walk away
    some day the sun well rise
    and you well find me
    like me found you
    as for now
    its just me
    and my old friend
    The Rain
    ........................
    .........................................
    .............................
    .........................................
    .........................................
    .........................................