This is from a few months ago. I changed it around. How do you like it.?

Question:"mother"

I'm burning up now,
in a hell of my making.
I search for just you,
but I'm old and I'm shaking.

Your love it hangs over,
like coal black misery.
Mother I beg you,
please set me free.

Just like the snake,
that tempted of old.
You left me seduced,
left out in the cold.

You lied to me often,
I felt only pain.
Sometimes I am Abel,
sometimes I am Cain.

Woman of sorrow,
you led me on.
In this strange world,
I do not belong.

I slipped from your womb,
left here on this earth.
My mother of pain,
why did you give birth.

My bringer of life,
please let me go.
Surely you know me,
and what you have sown.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: "mother"

I'm burning up now,
in a hell of my making.
I search for just you,
but I'm old and I'm shaking.

Your love it hangs over,
like coal black misery.
Mother I beg you,
please set me free.

Just like the snake,
that tempted of old.
You left me seduced,
left out in the cold.

You lied to me often,
I felt only pain.
Sometimes I am Abel,
sometimes I am Cain.

Woman of sorrow,
you led me on.
In this strange world,
I do not belong.

I slipped from your womb,
left here on this earth.
My mother of pain,
why did you give birth.

My bringer of life,
please let me go.
Surely you know me,
and what you have sown.

I have only one suggestion. A question mark after Why did you give birth.
I can see this is from the heart. It is personal to you, and it hints at many unresolved issues. You are very brave to open your soul in the way that you do and then share your feelings with others.
Nothing needs to be changed. It is complete.
(ps I love your Sometimes I am Abel, sometimes I am Cain)
Yes......often I am Cain.......that's Genius

that is totally deep!!!!!!
i love ur poetry!!!!!!
its so meaningful
=D

I'm at a loss for words here. So, I hope "WOW" will suffice.

wow..it was brilliant!
lol,im speecheless!
It was deep
it was sad
it was meaningfull
it was poetry
I love it! keep it up!
=]

i loved it! bravo!

I thought it quite good, easy to read, excellent rhythm.
I read it as if it were rhyming couplets like this:

I'm burning up now, in a hell of my making.
I search for just you, but I'm old and I'm shaking.

Your love it hangs over, like coal black misery.
Mother I beg you, please set me free.

Just like the snake, that tempted of old.
You left me seduced, left out in the cold.

You lied to me often, I felt only pain.
Sometimes I am Abel, sometimes I am Cain.

Woman of sorrow, you led me on.
In this strange world, I do not belong.

I slipped from your womb, left here on this earth.
My mother of pain, why did you give birth.

My bringer of life, please let me go.
Surely you know me, and what you have sown.

It seems to add the bounce into it a bit better, without changing the wording.

I liked Dondi's suggestion. Whatever it is well written with great flow. The only thing I thought of as a change would be to try removing the second "sometimes" and saying "often I am Cain.

hi, i have not read your poems in a while and i had to dig deep to find this one. i know from your pass poems we had a connection some where, this poem proves i was right. this poem is so full of love. to question all of this running thought of mind is in search of love. only some one of true insight would know how to express these emotions. do not listen to people who tell you what to add or delete from your art. you are truly blessed with a wonderful gift.