Is this over the top i know a lot of you like dark poems?

Question:My bloods boiling but my thoughts
are as cold as the blade in my trembling hand
my emotions have tight grip on me
compelling me to grasps this knife

primal animalistic rage engulfs me
I am no longer man but beast
I will suffer this great torment no more
I shell dostroy my demons

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: My bloods boiling but my thoughts
are as cold as the blade in my trembling hand
my emotions have tight grip on me
compelling me to grasps this knife

primal animalistic rage engulfs me
I am no longer man but beast
I will suffer this great torment no more
I shell dostroy my demons

It gave me the chills. and I'm not altogether sure if 'twas in a good way or a bad way.

Did you write it
I would make it rhyme

My bloods boiling but my thoughts
Cold as the blade I bought
My emotions are a chokehold of strife
That compell me to tightly grip the knife

Primal animalistic rage engulfs
no longer man but beast, no pulse
I will suffer this great torment no more
I shell dostroy my demons from my inner core

As good as the emotion is in this, I do agree that with rhyming it would be more powerful.

I think a deep poem is the best kind. it gives you a real inside view of some one. If i may suggest some thing. if you wrote this, i would say try to use less of "i" and "me." it helps the view get passed quicker. But i really do enjoy it. very good.

my poems are deep and mostly about abuse and torture. if you want to see them e-mail me....

I like the intensity. I think that trying to introduce a rhyme scheme would damage the anxiety in your characters emotion. Here is my small edit; hope you like it.

My blood is boiling
My thoughts are cold as the blade
Held in my trembling hand
My emotion grips me
I am compelled
Primal rage engulfs me
No longer a man I am the beast
I will suffer torment no longer
For I shall destroy my Legion