What do you think of my stormy Haiku?

Question:Spring Storm

Wild wind mates with ocean
geese, gulls, birds dive down from sky
hide eggs under wings.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Spring Storm

Wild wind mates with ocean
geese, gulls, birds dive down from sky
hide eggs under wings.

Like to read your stuff
Words penetrate thick numb skulls
Eyes are forced open

Hey, that's pretty good!

I like but the first line is 6 syllables while the last is 5?

I'm not sure if this is just a different form, but the way I learned to write haiku was 5-7-5 syllables and in your first stanza, there's six. So maybe "Wild wind meets ocean." And there should be a period after it.

Punctuation is very important in poetry - it tells the reader when to pause and whatnot. It seems like from "Wild" to "wings" is one long sentence, and I don't think you intended it that way.

Good alliteration in the second line =] "geese" and "gulls," and "dive" and "down."

I love your first line, "wild wind mates with ocean." Good imagery - definitely puts a picture in your mind.

One more little nitpicky thing, though - how can birds fly if they've got their eggs under their wings? Or is this something metaphorical I missed? It just didn't make sense to me - the ending.

But I like the title - "Spring Storm," very cool, catches your attention.

Good job! Keep writing =]

it's very good Elaine......and it indicates, how protective and caring mothers are... it be human or birds...
and the image of wild wind mating with ocean is sound and alarming.......
keep drawing pictures with your pen......and have a nice sunday!

My friend, it's wild! I'm staying indoors!
Haiku...more, more!

I don't get Haikus. In the hands of those who are masterly at them they have some purpose, us amateurs - well, no.

To be honest your poem sounds like a foreigner speaking English
In real English this would be

The wild wind mates with the ocean
The Geese, gulls and birds dive down from the sky
To hide eggs under their wings.

(I thought geese and gulls were birds) can't do italics on this page - say 'were' with emphasis

Sorry Elaine, but I can't like 'em all.

I like the movement and the purposeful action in this haiku.

i like.
it is a good poem.
haikus are awesome!

I love your work. You should teach this stuff.

Lovely