Poem , comments ?

Question:? Beyond the city lights
steel grey clouds
chimney stacks
grim buildings
appeared a girl
in a smoky room
and full of haste
with bright blue eyes
wearing pink ribbons
a short cotton dress
she drinks at the Whisky a go go
in this absurd theatre called life
tripping on whisky & rum
jostling for attention
in this bustling room
called chaos of fun
some people think she"s
disabled or deranged
but those people
are kidding themselves
she"s a bound for glory
? Burning with hunger
a freight liner
a boxing girl
called Ali
who holds the stage

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: ? Beyond the city lights
steel grey clouds
chimney stacks
grim buildings
appeared a girl
in a smoky room
and full of haste
with bright blue eyes
wearing pink ribbons
a short cotton dress
she drinks at the Whisky a go go
in this absurd theatre called life
tripping on whisky & rum
jostling for attention
in this bustling room
called chaos of fun
some people think she"s
disabled or deranged
but those people
are kidding themselves
she"s a bound for glory
? Burning with hunger
a freight liner
a boxing girl
called Ali
who holds the stage

Your rhythm is a fast cadence -- and that is the cadence of this girl -- fast, faster, fastest... it is amazing.

There are no cliche's or tired old phrases; well done!

omg u r soooo talented...the beginning kinda sound like britney spears thoug lol, but you are an amazing poet!!

http://s2.gladiatus.lt/game/c.php?uid=31... read my

Nothing special about the wording. "in this absurd theatre called life", also written in different ways, it's so cliche. It's good to read in a coffee shoppe.

I like it but it's a little to busy with details try to simplify it and make it more romantic

damn,

*wipes away tears*

go on......