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Position:Home>Poetry> Poetry critique needed.?Question:I haven't written poetry in so long I'm embarrassed to say, but I would like your opinion of this poem. I already know that it needs more substance. I will add to it, but what do you think of the wording and the flow? Thank you for your help. Don't hold back. I'm a grown woman and like your honest opinions! A Lover, A Friend Gentle rain upon the roof.. Sunday, oh kiss me, not tell.. Roll into your waiting arms.. I ache.. such passion, we wail.. Long still I gaze upon your breathless flesh, Beads glisten in the light. Adoration bestowed by kiss and touch.. I drink your body's sight. Your breath upon my face, just you, so warm it makes me wane.. Oh, forgive, the sin, crying eyes, the fruit makes me insane.. I sigh, a day has gone, you rise, Adonis I see, in dream like, bitter sweet. You take my heart from out my chest and drag it beneath your feet. Oh no, not now, I do not say it, I won't. Perhaps next we meet beneath the oak to lie naked on a blanket....or don't? Splendorous, my dream lover..my friend. Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I haven't written poetry in so long I'm embarrassed to say, but I would like your opinion of this poem. I already know that it needs more substance. I will add to it, but what do you think of the wording and the flow? Thank you for your help. Don't hold back. I'm a grown woman and like your honest opinions! A Lover, A Friend Gentle rain upon the roof.. Sunday, oh kiss me, not tell.. Roll into your waiting arms.. I ache.. such passion, we wail.. Long still I gaze upon your breathless flesh, Beads glisten in the light. Adoration bestowed by kiss and touch.. I drink your body's sight. Your breath upon my face, just you, so warm it makes me wane.. Oh, forgive, the sin, crying eyes, the fruit makes me insane.. I sigh, a day has gone, you rise, Adonis I see, in dream like, bitter sweet. You take my heart from out my chest and drag it beneath your feet. Oh no, not now, I do not say it, I won't. Perhaps next we meet beneath the oak to lie naked on a blanket....or don't? Splendorous, my dream lover..my friend. Well, I don't think u rate your poem according to its length. I can't help appreciating yours...what an extraordinary flow of emotions...I am holding my breath. Sorry to say, what is 'Adonis'? Rest is simply Cho-Chweet!! i loved the poem.. beautifully thought out.. just the second line of the poem disturbs.. sorry |