OK This is it for tonight. How is this one.?

Question:"delusional"

How many years had we been waiting,
for a ship that would never set sail.
How many years have we both wasted,
for a love that is forever doomed.

I sit by myself on the shore and I watch,
as the waves crash ashore over and over.
While all of my thoughts run into the hills,
my beating heart reaches out to the sea.

With only my dreams of my sad destiny,
I'm left with an ocean between our souls.
I stand in the way, but not in reflection,
but in the way of some womans tears.

The gate to my heart is now welded shut,
our love finally locked long away.
Like those who gasp, for one final breath,
there no more to have, for nothing is left.

If all of my sorrow, would leave me alone,
I would cry me an ocean of tears.
All that I want is just one final chance,
can't you feel my love shing through?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: "delusional"

How many years had we been waiting,
for a ship that would never set sail.
How many years have we both wasted,
for a love that is forever doomed.

I sit by myself on the shore and I watch,
as the waves crash ashore over and over.
While all of my thoughts run into the hills,
my beating heart reaches out to the sea.

With only my dreams of my sad destiny,
I'm left with an ocean between our souls.
I stand in the way, but not in reflection,
but in the way of some womans tears.

The gate to my heart is now welded shut,
our love finally locked long away.
Like those who gasp, for one final breath,
there no more to have, for nothing is left.

If all of my sorrow, would leave me alone,
I would cry me an ocean of tears.
All that I want is just one final chance,
can't you feel my love shing through?

You are on a roll DP. Excellent poetry.

edit: Keep the comma after gasp, the pause it creates is perfect for the rhythmic flow to make the emphasis on the reason for the gasp.

i think this a very good and a well thought out poem and that it means that between u and the person u like that there will always be a gap that can never be crossed and so you will never be together is what i think the poem means.

There is no doubt that you have a mastery of words and are a poet. There is nothing delusional about your gift.

You can do even better -- edit in a day or two --

You have powerful imagery:
I sit by myself on the shore
my heart now welded shut
I would cry me an ocean of tears. (careful on this one -- sounds like I may have heard it in a c/w song---not positive)

This could fall into the cliche category because it's old -- your words show you are a stronger poet than to fall back to an old and jaded image.
for a ship that would never set sail

like those who gasp for one final breath <- deleted comma

Actually, you have more commas that could be deleted it will give you a much stronger flow to the poem.

I really like it, it uses a lot of good imagery.

These lines:

Like those who gasp, for one final breath,

If all of my sorrow, would leave me alone,

There need not be a comma after 'gasp'. That's really the only punctuation criticism I have, though I see why you would put it there. That's just me, though.

I really do like the comparison of the ocean to an unrequited love. Water is a very powerful tool to work with in poetry.Good job.

I think it's good.
Nice work:)

I like. "Cry me an ocean of tears" could use a new version of this tired cliche.

This is excellent. Your thoughts are clear and precise and you relay this to the reader. Well done.

good work, as usual