This is something a little different. How do you like this.?

Question:"rapture"

You are my dark love,
no church bars our path.
As you drink your fill,
from my bleeding gash.
You are all my dreams.
The dark in my eyes.
Rapture in my screams,
black goddess arise.
Well not be apart,
we could kill them all.
If it our desire,
one sinful dark eve.
Night draws beside her,
we embrace the dark.
Your eyes of blue fire,
my seed left inside.
Leave all of them lifeless,
my beloved so cold.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: "rapture"

You are my dark love,
no church bars our path.
As you drink your fill,
from my bleeding gash.
You are all my dreams.
The dark in my eyes.
Rapture in my screams,
black goddess arise.
Well not be apart,
we could kill them all.
If it our desire,
one sinful dark eve.
Night draws beside her,
we embrace the dark.
Your eyes of blue fire,
my seed left inside.
Leave all of them lifeless,
my beloved so cold.

I like the fast and driving pace. It accentuates the poem.

Moronistic ramblings of an idiot.

i apsolutly loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

I don't. It sucks. Are you trying to sound like a vampire or something?

it's very intense and conveys a strong sense of intimacy. a very vampire-like feel. did you right this, because it's very nice. not too rhymish [like dr. suess] but still poemy.

diamond in the rough

very dark,different,and interesing
i love it.
keep up the writing.

Hmm...

Hey, you know what?! That flows so well, it really does, although it's sick. If you take the part out about killing people and make it something else, it would be a tremendous vampire poem. Well, just as there are all kinds of movies and books, there should be all kinds of poetry. Please allow me to correct your grammar a bit. It's "We'll not be apart" and how about "We'll not be apart, no matter the cost" or something similar indicating the lengths to which you will go to be together. Heck, it's just fiction. You're not going out to suck any blood. I think this is great! I love love it! Oh, yes, and maybe "Leave all of them pale white, my beloved so cold"...just suggestions. You will do me proud. I want to see it when you are done if you decide to re-do it.

The poet has the license to experiment and change. The audience has the right to reject or embrace. This work is not one that suits my tastes, primarily the subject.