My poem rage Hope you like it.?

Question:Why must my heart to stone why did you leave me alone
the nights i cried wishing i could just die as my hurt was so deep,

Someone who said they loved and cared for me 'left me like i was nothing to you.
I had so much hurt and rage i wished you were in a cage '
just so i could taunt you.

When i slit my wrists you asked for a kiss and shut the
door behind you.
My body feels so numb I'll never love anyone as my heart has turned to stone.

When i was away all you did was play with your many girlfriends.
I see no more colors i see no more rainbows all i see is pitch black.
Looks like i;ll never get back and i guess i never will.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Why must my heart to stone why did you leave me alone
the nights i cried wishing i could just die as my hurt was so deep,

Someone who said they loved and cared for me 'left me like i was nothing to you.
I had so much hurt and rage i wished you were in a cage '
just so i could taunt you.

When i slit my wrists you asked for a kiss and shut the
door behind you.
My body feels so numb I'll never love anyone as my heart has turned to stone.

When i was away all you did was play with your many girlfriends.
I see no more colors i see no more rainbows all i see is pitch black.
Looks like i;ll never get back and i guess i never will.

Very angry. I do hope it's just creative writing however!

It's deep and mysterious....and I like it.

sorry it's not good. but dont give up and read more
this one line say's more then your poem.
parting is such sweet sorrow

Stalker, you scare me.

Your form isn't bad, But your subject matter and approach to it does prose no justice.

It's... interesting. Not bad, not great. Just... interesting.

This could be a killer lil rap LOL, I loved every word but, think it needs a bit~o~spice perhaps??

I've just gotten into this really weird way of writing (sigh) you know..

You've got a grand talent my friend and the message came across very clear..

Subtle power
Deep
and passionate skill, it truly shows *^_^*

How old are you, hon? My critique is a little harsh for someone under the age of 16 or so. If you are 12, this is good.

That said, here we go:

Poetry requires more form than what you have here. Also, really good poetry leaves something to the imagination.

This link explains all about forms and the nature of poetry. I think you will find it helpful:
http://www.poetry.org/whatis.htm

EDIT:
The poster above me has done well with the form, however your original poem also needs to be less simplified. For instance, the last line "and I guess I never will" should be dropped altogether. It is simply a repetition of the line previous to it and takes away from the dramatic ending that poetry should leave in the mind of the reader. The cage line could also be improved on. Instead of putting it out so literally to the reader, you could use some imagery instead...letting the reader see that in his/her own mind by a simple suggestion on your part.

Have fun as you are learning the great art of good poetry writing, dear friend.

Suggestion: Take a look at the poetry of the greats. Edna St. Vincent Millay is awesome...and for more modern poets try T.S. Elliot. =)

EDIT again:
"Shake myself off and write again one day"?

I thought you wanted an honest critique, not someone to just say, "It's good" and not mean it. You shouldn't give up the first time you try. It takes practice (and knowledge) to do things well.

its a start....sounds like ur still young and trying to find your inner poet...keep working on it. Maybe re-word somethings and omit others...its ok for a rough draft..keep at it..and your work will improve.

i think it is very good your poem sounds alot like my friends poems!! so yea it is very good and keep on writting poems!!

It's ok for just starting out.
Some of your rhyming sounds forced.
Some of the descriptions are a little weak.
Like I always say, It's yours and that's what matters.
Nice work:)

it was really good full of emotions
good job