Can you tell me your opinion on the two poems that i have written?

Question:Why is life so unjust?
It rewards the selfish,
and punishes the weak.
The ones in need of receiving
get nothing
The ones who have received enough,
keep obtaining

Why is it the poor and defenseless
have their lives taken away
and the wealthy, powerful and uncharitable
remain living their lives of pleasure?

Feeble and weak
Suffering from hunger,
Malnutrition and starvation
Not a drop to drink
Not a morsel to eat
They continue living these lives

Strong and spiteful
Contented by wealth,
Materialism and covetousness
Abundance of money
Abundance of glee
The continue living these lives

Benefiting the egotistic
Abusing the frail
The ones who ned the help
stand helpless
The ones who have benefited
stand prosperous
Why is life so unfair?

So what do you think, is it okay? i asked my friends and they said they didnt like it.. it "didn't sound like a poem to them".. well what about you? tell me what you like and didnt like.. this is greatly appreciated!

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Why is life so unjust?
It rewards the selfish,
and punishes the weak.
The ones in need of receiving
get nothing
The ones who have received enough,
keep obtaining

Why is it the poor and defenseless
have their lives taken away
and the wealthy, powerful and uncharitable
remain living their lives of pleasure?

Feeble and weak
Suffering from hunger,
Malnutrition and starvation
Not a drop to drink
Not a morsel to eat
They continue living these lives

Strong and spiteful
Contented by wealth,
Materialism and covetousness
Abundance of money
Abundance of glee
The continue living these lives

Benefiting the egotistic
Abusing the frail
The ones who ned the help
stand helpless
The ones who have benefited
stand prosperous
Why is life so unfair?

So what do you think, is it okay? i asked my friends and they said they didnt like it.. it "didn't sound like a poem to them".. well what about you? tell me what you like and didnt like.. this is greatly appreciated!

They're both interesting. You have something to say and you say it well. You made me see what you're talking about.

wow

that's
deeeeeeep

Wow : o

Your friends are kinda right, it doesn't sound a lot like a poem because it doesn't rhyme. Maybe try to even up the lines so they contain the same or a similar number of syllables.

But it's still pretty good. Great use of words :o

The first one was really emo, but might be okay if it ryhmed, and the second one sounded like one of the poems written by mr. deeds (the remake with adam sandler)

The first one could use some work, you need something that sets it apart...The second I liked a lot, keep up the good work!

The first one falls under the "freestyle" category, so I think it is perfectly ok. It sounds a lot like a poem to me.

The first one is more like a speech, well written, not really a poem.

The second poem is good, I don't think the Jewish people think that way, but its your poem!

My poems usually have 7-8 syllables
with the last words rhyming

this poem is nice and dont listen to wat those people say about not rhyming not all poems have to rhyme but feel the beat and feel what u were feeling when they read this poem !! by the way you have talent and you know how to organize your thoughts into poetry !

I love them.... They are absolutelly great poems. Hey that's a gift from God you know... You are lucky to have it ...