Poem, who likes it?

Question:cold, alone,afraid,
why does these things happen to me?
dark, ignored, lost,
why does time go against me?
demons, laughter, torture,
why is everyone against me?
blood, war, death,
when does it end?
I'm loosing my head,
I'm going insane,
SOMEONE HELP ME!!!

*silence*

cold, alone, afraid
God, am I dead yet?

hope ya liked it any help to fix it is accepted.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: cold, alone,afraid,
why does these things happen to me?
dark, ignored, lost,
why does time go against me?
demons, laughter, torture,
why is everyone against me?
blood, war, death,
when does it end?
I'm loosing my head,
I'm going insane,
SOMEONE HELP ME!!!

*silence*

cold, alone, afraid
God, am I dead yet?

hope ya liked it any help to fix it is accepted.

wow. thats pretty dark. it was.....interesting. i mean, it really didnt have any feeling put into it. there was this poem i read that was so simple, just talking about some insignificant moment in his life, it didn't rhyme or anything, but it was great, because you could really tell that this guy had a connection with that moment. keep at it.

Change " why does these things happen to me?", to why do these things happen to me?

This poem is cool! AWESOME!

Try something more positive and maybe you can get out of this mess you are in now.

sounds like u are sad g8t way of expressing ur emotions....intense

very nice

I agree with Poover 21, you need to change the lines and you're poem is not too great, there is not really too much flow and it just seems like you're anger and sadness and depression or whatever are simply projected on. Like you're just asking why something is happening to you. Go into more detail and make the reader experience you're emotions.

very nice, i love it

fellow poet (in training)

Very Deep.

Love it !!! I like the variety of words you used.

i think is good

i agree with poover21...but other than tht i think tht its a great poem...ur a good poet..u shud try writing more n post them so we can c how ur poetry writing skills are improving cuz i wud love to read more of ur poems...hope u choose me as best answer :P

i do, i can connect, here's one out of the same one by leaving certain words out, cold, afraid, dark times alone, ignored, lost, why does laughter, torture, demons against me, blood, war death, insane, god afraid help, silence, yet dead end