The latest poem please comment?

Question:a late apology

i wouldn't have done it
if you had treated me right
it was like i wasn't there
i'm sure you understand

because you broke my heart
and i couldn't heal
i had to take drastic measures
and end a life here

as the blood dripped down my wrists
was it a mistake
a regret?
i could barely breath

so i apologize
because it's your blood i shed
the knife in your heart
your blood on my hands

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: a late apology

i wouldn't have done it
if you had treated me right
it was like i wasn't there
i'm sure you understand

because you broke my heart
and i couldn't heal
i had to take drastic measures
and end a life here

as the blood dripped down my wrists
was it a mistake
a regret?
i could barely breath

so i apologize
because it's your blood i shed
the knife in your heart
your blood on my hands

Morbid, but very expressive, (if people tell you to change it to a happier ending, don't give in!!! they seem to offer that suggestion frequently)

The start is okay, but by the ending stanza, you have pretty much lost all fluidness in transition from line to line, idea to idea, so might rework to better flow and idea transition.

The biggest thing was "as the blood dripped down my wrists was it a mistake a regret? i could barely breath." there needs to be more even distribution, no six words then two one word lines then a ten word line, there is no flow, or very weak and forced transition and flow.

I liked the twist at the end. You have a nice reveal, barely hinted at before it in the poem, so it is nicely planned. Nicely disguised. The only possible hint was really the first line or so... awesome!

Very expressive and you might work to infuse it with more of your voice, it almost seems lost in the work, like it was cliché or something without personality and individual specialness.

Best wishes,
:)

love it love it love it