Do you all like this Haiku?

Question:Campfire, alone
Sparks spiral up, become stars;
I sit, watch, unseen.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Campfire, alone
Sparks spiral up, become stars;
I sit, watch, unseen.

Great second line. Well done.

May I have a seat
I have brought the marshmallows
I love when they're burnt

not really.

yes i love it!

sorry needs work

Yes, indeed I do. Brings back memories.

You have a very interesting style of Haiku. It's something I'm not used to, but I find it very interesting. It's not the classic form, even though you stick to 5?7?5. It doesn't seem very haiku-ish upon first glance, but then I find myself pulled into the vivid image of the poem and think to myself "well hey, that's what haiku does."

In the first line I immediately starting picturing a campfire burning on a dark night. I could almost smell the lovely woodsmoke. The edges of the picture were blurry, but then became clearer with the second line when it added the detail of the sparks floating upwards to the stars. I could see the glow of the orange sparks against the black of the sky, making their way up to the bright stars before they burn out. It didn't feel like a windy night, since they seemed to float up peacefully instead of hectically. Then in the last line I was able to see the person sitting by the campfire. I really like how you waited to pull the human element in until the last line. You hint at it with "alone" in the first, but you don't bring the person into the picture until the last line. All in all you really made me want to go have a bonfire in the middle of the woods and toast marshmallows and watch the sparks fly up.

As for suggestions. I think you should break out of the 5?7?5 and use the word "becoming" instead of "become" it'll still be haiku and I think it would flow better.

I look forward to reading more of your haiku and exploring your style.

Yes, I like this haiku. Very visual.

The sparks becoming stars makes a beautiful image. Could you add a syllable to the first verse? Maybe make it "Campfire, all alone..?"

Nota Bene: This commentary has been inspired by the trenchant, yet vapid, insight offered by those who have preceded me.
It's a very nice haiku, even though it's not long enough - you should add a few stanzas telling us how you feel. Talking about a campfire is nice, but kind of old-fashioned. I think this would sound more contemporary. You shoulda spelled it " a loan" because you sure are going to need the money if you want to make this better. You talk about stars, but you don't say if they are from the movies, or CD's or what. That's why I thought having you watching TV would be better. Finally, the best thing about this is that you are unseen, I looked at your avatar and you are weird.

your haiku is gay
i can write them just like you
mine is better though

word