This is another one that kind of popped into my head. How is this.?

Question:"turned to black"

Pondering all the times,
that we used to share.
Moments froze in time,
like fossils left in clay.

I remember all the stories,
I told you like a child.
Your exuberance and care,
still wander in my mind.

The hours that we spent,
enthralled with every word.
Images burned in my mind,
we spoke all hours every day.

Then one awful fatal day,
our world turned to black.
I'd give everything I have,
just for one more chance.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: "turned to black"

Pondering all the times,
that we used to share.
Moments froze in time,
like fossils left in clay.

I remember all the stories,
I told you like a child.
Your exuberance and care,
still wander in my mind.

The hours that we spent,
enthralled with every word.
Images burned in my mind,
we spoke all hours every day.

Then one awful fatal day,
our world turned to black.
I'd give everything I have,
just for one more chance.

this is amazing...:)

and i love the way it finished..

wonderful play of words...

ahh, poetry! it's great. unfortunately i have no skills in writing poetry, but i do appreciate a well-written word.

I really like what you wrote. ;)

omgsh,i literally had tears in my eyes after
reading this.
Great poem,dude!

u have a way with words, 4 sure!

I like how you allowed your emotions to come through. I enjoyed it very much thanks for sharing

as a fan of your work, i have to say, i especially liked this one. it was quite amazing

I very much like it. It's rare for me to, because usually I really like ones that rhyme, but this is really good. Keep it up.
And maybe you could critique mine...:):)
I tore myself apart for you
Hoping for the best
I gave you the chance to steal my heart
Out of my open chest
But you only left me lie there
Shattered on the floor
You simply decided that
I wasn’t worth it anymore
All the things you did
Only led to my demise
Were you really loving me?
Or was it acts and lies?
Hold me closer and for a moment I’ll forget
That I need to let you go
That it hurts and I’ll regret
letting you close enough
To look into my eyes
Be the reason that I cry
Make me feel like I can fly
Just to shoot me down
To hear my heart beat
To breathe air I breathe
To sweep me off my feet
Cause you abandoned me…

I liked it. It was good. Really good...

wow. i really liked this. i wish poems like this would just pop in my head.
good job.
it's a really great poem.

That is so pretty, Thank for sharing that.

xoK

frozen
Whether you know you are doing it or not, you are using assonance - where the vowels rhyme but not the consonants (or vice versa).
Then 'we spoke all hours every day' spoils the pattern you have created - can I suggest you change that to something else - using 'heard' 'stirred' eg and if you go back and read that verse you will see the first line is about hours, and so you need something different for the last line. Were those cries I thought I heard?

Then one awful fateful (?)) day
Our world turned into black
I'd give everything I own
If you'd only take me back (eg) - something with a stronger rhyme - again to suit what you established in the beginning.