How about these nursery rhymes for the 21st Century?

Question:Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating a Milky Way.
A dietary adviser
Sat down beside her
And snatched her chocolate away.
_________________________
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch water (so they said)
Jack had too many bevvies
And went straight home to his bed.

Jill was made of sterner stuff
And suffered no lasting harm
Drinking just made her giggly
Which added to her charm.

The result of their adventure
Took nine months to appear.
Now Jill has got a Council flat,
And she’s three months in arrears.

What of her companion Jack?
You’ll find him in the bar.
No ties and no responsibilities
He drives a flash new car.

Jill’s got a brand new boyfriend.
The baby calls him Unca-Mick.
And would you now believe it,
Every morning Jill is sick.
___________________________________

Down at the bottom of the Deep blue sea
Catching fishes one, two, three.
Daddy can remember a time my sons
When fishes were caught in hundreds of tons.

_____________

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating a Milky Way.
A dietary adviser
Sat down beside her
And snatched her chocolate away.
_________________________
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch water (so they said)
Jack had too many bevvies
And went straight home to his bed.

Jill was made of sterner stuff
And suffered no lasting harm
Drinking just made her giggly
Which added to her charm.

The result of their adventure
Took nine months to appear.
Now Jill has got a Council flat,
And she’s three months in arrears.

What of her companion Jack?
You’ll find him in the bar.
No ties and no responsibilities
He drives a flash new car.

Jill’s got a brand new boyfriend.
The baby calls him Unca-Mick.
And would you now believe it,
Every morning Jill is sick.
___________________________________

Down at the bottom of the Deep blue sea
Catching fishes one, two, three.
Daddy can remember a time my sons
When fishes were caught in hundreds of tons.

_____________

The Jack and Jill update is my favourite;

"Now Jill has got a council flat,
And she's three months in arrears."

Genius.

I also admire the politics of the third; it's one for the ages. Seriously.

I TOLD you your muse would return!!

GrannyJill, they're just brilliant. That first on had me going and then the Jack and Jill poem was icing on the cake.
Very creative.

Wow. I think it is very innovative and creative. Loved the one of Little Miss Muffet whose milky bar was snatched away by the dietery adviser. Terrific.
But my favorite is jack and jill. Loved the part "to fetch water(so they say) and the third stanza. It had me begging for more.
The third was the most innovative, i feel.
Thanks for putting a smile on my face.......