Poem - I think I pulled a muscle...?

Question:It doesn't have a title, and it's literally in its first stage, I had the idea very recently.
Any constructive criticism welcome :)

I think I've pulled a muscle;
I made a sudden movement.
People say to rest it
If I want to see an improvement.

I think I've pulled a muscle;
I really should have warmed up first.
But how can one warm up
For a situation so unrehearsed?

I think I pulled a muscle
but it's not me who's to blame.
Just one look at you
set my heart aflame.

I think I've pulled a muscle
but not my deltoid nor my bicep.
My heart, you see, it skipped a beat
The very first time we met.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: It doesn't have a title, and it's literally in its first stage, I had the idea very recently.
Any constructive criticism welcome :)

I think I've pulled a muscle;
I made a sudden movement.
People say to rest it
If I want to see an improvement.

I think I've pulled a muscle;
I really should have warmed up first.
But how can one warm up
For a situation so unrehearsed?

I think I pulled a muscle
but it's not me who's to blame.
Just one look at you
set my heart aflame.

I think I've pulled a muscle
but not my deltoid nor my bicep.
My heart, you see, it skipped a beat
The very first time we met.

I like the last line, the way it skips a beat but the other lines don't seem perfectly lined up.

Like fourth line could be
to get a big improvement

then eight line
For a chance encounter unrehearsed

Then
I think I pulled a muscle
Though don't try to blame
Just one whiff of your scent
has set my heart a flame

Count out your rhythms and meter by reading out loud. If you want to start on the upbeat like how you start with the first stanza, then keep that consistent through the others.

whats the question?

what about it?

aww that's a sweet poem I lke it.

Lol.

sorry its just a funny name for a poem :P

Creative!!

haha....umm I think you should work on it...A lot. first off. You don't even figure out its about a person till the last sentance.

you gotta have a more structured poem

Very nice...sweet.

Good job...

I can actually say I like this, despite the fact that it's in its "early stage".

It's funny to me, but has a sweet twist at the end.

I'm not a poet, so I can't give you any constructive criticism, all I can say is that I like it.
:J

Very different!

Nice play on words I like it - ((clapping )) bravo!

O_O !! I get it! Cool poem dude!

'look what youve done'

i dontknow try that

hope this ehlped! x : )

thats xcool

haha its a cute poem
its really sumthing to think about
=]

I think your poem is good. It needs a bit of polishing so to say. Particularly the second and last stanzas which don't quite scan right.

I'm not sure what to suggest and I don't have ample time right now to ponder on it. But I'll think about it and check back later.

It is really a good poem and I was surprised by the adorable ending. It got my mind out of the gutter with what I was expecting to have been pulled. <smile>

Thanks for sharing it here.

<------------- claps. I liked it. it's very creative.

This is pretty poor criticism, but is there any way you could make it more poetic? It seems to be consisted entirely out of everyday common language...which was perhaps your point, but that is just my advice.

(leave out 'an' it spoils the rhythm of the first verse
Is it intentional that I've becomes I, in the third verse?
I really should have.....I keep stumbling on this line. Do you need 'really'
Just one look at you
Has set my heart aflame
it must be 'or my bicep'

The poem works well for me, until the last line. I have read the whole think aloud several times.
I'm not sure exactly what is wrong, so this criticism isn't very constructive.How about.......
My heart somersaulted in my chest
The very first time we met.
but then it is your poem - so just tell me to shut up!