Is my Mars Poem okay?

Question:Night Train To Mars

Mars seems to be the place to go,
Where air is thin and aging slow.
The poets congregate in domes,
Instead of single family homes.
They climb aboard their rocket ship,
And past the moon they will soon slip.
So silent in the void of space,
They will so soon be at that place.
I do not fly, I get so ill,
Nor do I climb a real big hill.
I'm waiting til the tracks are laid.
A star train then soon will be made.
Til then I'll write my poems in bars,
Then catch the night train up to Mars.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Night Train To Mars

Mars seems to be the place to go,
Where air is thin and aging slow.
The poets congregate in domes,
Instead of single family homes.
They climb aboard their rocket ship,
And past the moon they will soon slip.
So silent in the void of space,
They will so soon be at that place.
I do not fly, I get so ill,
Nor do I climb a real big hill.
I'm waiting til the tracks are laid.
A star train then soon will be made.
Til then I'll write my poems in bars,
Then catch the night train up to Mars.

Hoot Hoot!

Welcome aboard KS

This is really great, seemed to just pour outta ya, I'm lovin' it <3

"Tracks to Mars"

You know what, any thing's possible @)~>~

Sounds great - you should be a childrens writer

It sounds quite simple.
But its ok.

hm... I like it. Especially the beginning (first four lines). But, to be honest, I feel that the rhyming is forced towards the end. if this isn't for a contest, then you can leave it, otherwise you might want to fix it, it doesn't have to rhyme, i myself, am more of a rhythm poet.

sounds gr8 *thumbs up*

Welcome to Mars. I just arrived. Can't wait to sit down and get to know more of you. Come to the communal dome tonight.

sweet and beautiful poem.......simple, elegant and musical...
and me too shall be there in the train....the star train...that whistles and fly through the elements of sky into mars...

And passing skies our train shall fly
Thus whistling by the stars
And finally shall come to rest
In sweet and red cold mars

We can always use another poet on Mars. Welcome!

I hope we all meet on Mars one day. Who will be left on
Earth?

We'll start laying tracks now. Pack you pencils.
See you on Mars.

Nice Poem, BTW :)

Ooh I love it =]
Can I come along with you to Mars?

cute

;)

Wow that was really great and i loved it. Great to hear your poetry again as it always makes me' and us on here smile .

Awright!!!! darlin, you've got it now.

You got rhythm.
You got rhyme.
You got meter...Iambic tetrameter to be exact.

It's beautiful, you have been listening, haven't you.
Encore!!

What a cool and cleaver poem and i loved it so.Your poem was so vivid as now i want to go to Mars...Here's a star as it is totally awesome ..

Wow, I really like it.
Nice work:)

*****
Steal Rail
by TD Euwaite

Many napkins have been scrolled
with poetry quite rare
We sip and sip, and smoke a bit
and wonder why we dare
With Marlowe there, and Thomas Kyd,
we lift our tankards high
Drunken poets raise the bar
In a pub somewhere on Mars

*****