My poem...pale?

Question:Pale

Today I lost my heart in your hands
Once again as I absorb this pain
as I lean to love lean to hate
as you demolish me with every breath you take
you conceal me with this the temptaion to be loved
once more as you slip beneath the covers
-All that is left of me- a pool of blood-my hearts impression
the pouring rain beating down on us
thrown upon the floor is our possessions
as we drench eachother with sinful lust
poured out like tar we become each others confession
will you be mine? can I be yours?
these walls go pale beating out loves agression
-messages of love-fabricated...
make this easier, let me crash to the ground...
I lie here with my head against your chest hearing your heart pound
instead you pick me up again; saying you'll be around
you lie to recieve the best, while I lay here dreaming of you in emptiness
the love rekindled as we sit for a while reliving what we had
cinders of ciggerettes,,,
my heart left forever burning out, my soul a shivering cloud of mess...

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Pale

Today I lost my heart in your hands
Once again as I absorb this pain
as I lean to love lean to hate
as you demolish me with every breath you take
you conceal me with this the temptaion to be loved
once more as you slip beneath the covers
-All that is left of me- a pool of blood-my hearts impression
the pouring rain beating down on us
thrown upon the floor is our possessions
as we drench eachother with sinful lust
poured out like tar we become each others confession
will you be mine? can I be yours?
these walls go pale beating out loves agression
-messages of love-fabricated...
make this easier, let me crash to the ground...
I lie here with my head against your chest hearing your heart pound
instead you pick me up again; saying you'll be around
you lie to recieve the best, while I lay here dreaming of you in emptiness
the love rekindled as we sit for a while reliving what we had
cinders of ciggerettes,,,
my heart left forever burning out, my soul a shivering cloud of mess...

You need to work on spelling. But other wise I loved it.the imagery of "the poring rain beating down on us." "you demolish me with every breath you take" "as we drench each other with sinful lust." In my mind's eye I see a 30 year old single mother in a cabin having sex with her high school sweet heart who married somebody else. From Rosaline xoxo

It's ok.
Some of it seems forced.
It doesn't flow right in some places.
But you have some very good lines in it.
Nice:)

cool....i really understood it...

...why is it called pale

Very superb. I thought it sounded wonderful and it sounded cool.