Any comments?

Question:Happy Birthday Little Sister

She has a beautiful pair of eyes, and a smile to match.
Unfortunately they are always filled with such sadness.
Yet no one has ever noticed her tears.

There is a bitter cold surrounding her, darkness is coming.
She walks the streets, she says she is happy.
Yet she is afraid of shadows, they make her jump.

As midnight approaches, darkness has full control.
Her heart bleeds out fast, and her soul collapses.
The darkness took over, and she never made it.

They found her, just another piece of trash.
Tossed into a trash bin; her final destination.
One more lost soul, never to be missed.

Today was her birthday; she would have turned twenty.
His heart cried, every single time he saw her.
Such a beautiful pair of eyes, wasted.

?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Happy Birthday Little Sister

She has a beautiful pair of eyes, and a smile to match.
Unfortunately they are always filled with such sadness.
Yet no one has ever noticed her tears.

There is a bitter cold surrounding her, darkness is coming.
She walks the streets, she says she is happy.
Yet she is afraid of shadows, they make her jump.

As midnight approaches, darkness has full control.
Her heart bleeds out fast, and her soul collapses.
The darkness took over, and she never made it.

They found her, just another piece of trash.
Tossed into a trash bin; her final destination.
One more lost soul, never to be missed.

Today was her birthday; she would have turned twenty.
His heart cried, every single time he saw her.
Such a beautiful pair of eyes, wasted.

?

I really like this one....very different from others that I have read. I can really relate to it from a third party perspective. you have a really good writing style.

Keep up the good work!!

its freaky cause today is my little sisters bday i thought this was going to be a happy poem but its actually a great work. very nice job
Check out my poem i just put up

wow thats really good i loved it keep writing your poems one day i bet you you'll get published