Another haiku, what you all think?

Question:Courageous blue sky
Dandelion-yellow sun,
Black bird dominates.

I'm not as happy with this one as some of my others, but thought I'd put it out there just the same. What you all think?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Courageous blue sky
Dandelion-yellow sun,
Black bird dominates.

I'm not as happy with this one as some of my others, but thought I'd put it out there just the same. What you all think?

I don't usually get that much out of haikus, but this creates a wonderful vivid image that I could put into a painting. It's weird, but if I read a poem that I would like to paint then I consider it a wonderful and inspired piece. Well done young grasshopper :)

Interesting, the idea that the lowly blackbird flying up close can block the wondrous view. It is worth keeping as it can also imply dealing in society especially with unplanned distractions.

(I thought you would like that deep thought that a poem could also have a different meaning!)

It's very dimensional. It can be as simple or as complex as you want it to be.
On one level, choosing a haiku, the simplicity of just a few words.
Then you notice the color, you have brought into this.
On yet another level, there is a theory. If you bring a small object up close it can appear larger than a larger distant one.
Finally, as the layering draws to a close. You realize your talking about human nature.
Some people prefer to only skim the surface, in their relationship to others. While others strive to penetrate it. Into a much deeper level of understanding.
As you can see, I could not say it, in such few words.
Excellent work.

In regard to the haiku itself, I yield to Neonman's commentary. In regard to the question, may I remind the good poet that we here in New York do not use the dialectical Southern variant "you all." Up here the proper nomenclature is "youse."

Since the blackbird is often the harbinger of death, your haiku can mean the death of the Earth as the bird covers the sun, thereby causing the death of all living things, as symbolized by the dandelion. You may not have intended this, but it seems symbolic nonetheless.

I love haikus. This one is very good. 'Black bird dominates' drives it all home. I especially like your division of black bird. It gives the reader a clear picture of the color blotting the sky - and all its nuances.

i'm not a big haiku fan, i like it when you added syllables and broke the rules.