Disgusted...??

Question:i want to know what you guys think about my poem???? any comments, suggestion, input!!!

I don’t know why I need you
And don’t know why I care
Always striving to please you
Hurting myself, it’s just not fair.

I’m disgusted that I love you
I’m disgusted I can’t let you go
I’m disgusted by your hold on me
I’m disgusted at the tears that flow.

I can’t speak my mind to you
You ignore what I say
It hurts me that you don’t care
And even more that I can’t walk away.

I’m disgusted that I’m never satisfied
I’m disgusted I can’t let myself be free
I’m disgusted I can’t quit you
I’m disgusted I can’t find the lock’s key.

I won’t let you keep hurting me
I’m going to let myself be free
I’m finished with how you make me feel
I’ve had enough... I think... maybe...

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: i want to know what you guys think about my poem???? any comments, suggestion, input!!!

I don’t know why I need you
And don’t know why I care
Always striving to please you
Hurting myself, it’s just not fair.

I’m disgusted that I love you
I’m disgusted I can’t let you go
I’m disgusted by your hold on me
I’m disgusted at the tears that flow.

I can’t speak my mind to you
You ignore what I say
It hurts me that you don’t care
And even more that I can’t walk away.

I’m disgusted that I’m never satisfied
I’m disgusted I can’t let myself be free
I’m disgusted I can’t quit you
I’m disgusted I can’t find the lock’s key.

I won’t let you keep hurting me
I’m going to let myself be free
I’m finished with how you make me feel
I’ve had enough... I think... maybe...

Uhm, this needs a lot of work.

You focus too much on trying to make it rhyme.
I'm sure you've known this for a long time, but maybe you don't like it:

not all poems must rhyme.

Sometimes, rhyming hurts the poem. You overdid it. You overuse "free" and "care" to the point where it's kind of annoying. You have really awkward phrases "I'm disgusted at the tears that flow" and "I'm disgusted I can't find the lock's key."

You're just trying to hard to make it rhyme.
Try simply sitting down and writing how you feel about this situation in a poetic way. Don't think, just write it out how you feel it. Feelings are poetry. When you're done, you go back and edit and make them understandable.

I like how you get across that you're disgusted, but again, awkward phrases. You're just trying to make things fit. Like you laid out the form and then tried to find words that fit, but they don't fit very well. Sometimes laying the form out first works, but most of the time, it doesn't.

Good luck - think about it - work on it. Keep writing!

*smiles* its cute.... but the rhymes are kinda predictable.... add something to there that would make me say WOAH! ya know?

i like it, i think it shows alot of emotion but at the same time it's a little predictable with the rhyming, but thats not so bad trust me i have the same problem. the only part of this poem i dont like is the "lock's key" part, the first time i read it i didnt quite understand, then i realized you are probably using personification, meaning the "lock" on this relationship the poem is about (im assuming it is)

I don't normally care for poetry all that much, but I have to admit that that one is really good! =D

its a nice idea and feeling, but i think u couldve made ur point a little more clear, and like everyone else has said make the rhymes less predictable. like instead of free rhyming with key, try something like decree. u could probably make good use of a rhyming dictionary.