I wrote a poem of my life, what do you think ?

Question:life ...can really suck:

puzzled ... standing in a daze,
your body petrified with fear,
not knowing where you should go or hide,
without the enemy standing near.

you feel you’re never trusted,
like someone’s watching all the time,
you never really are alone,
like you’ve commited some kind of hainous crime,

your life is dead and going nowhere,
or just so you surely think,
you just have no motivation whatsoever,
so you sit in the dark alone and drink.

you try to drown your tears of sorrow,
in your shaky drunken hands,
wondering what will come up next,
but your thoughts just come up bland.

you think you dont owe anything to this world,
fine. this is the life you chose to live,
you wont listen to a single soul,
because you think they have nothing good to give,

sitting by yourself in solitude,
or when you’re just pacing in your room,
with the same pensive expression on your face,
the same old thoughts of suicide and doom.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: life ...can really suck:

puzzled ... standing in a daze,
your body petrified with fear,
not knowing where you should go or hide,
without the enemy standing near.

you feel you’re never trusted,
like someone’s watching all the time,
you never really are alone,
like you’ve commited some kind of hainous crime,

your life is dead and going nowhere,
or just so you surely think,
you just have no motivation whatsoever,
so you sit in the dark alone and drink.

you try to drown your tears of sorrow,
in your shaky drunken hands,
wondering what will come up next,
but your thoughts just come up bland.

you think you dont owe anything to this world,
fine. this is the life you chose to live,
you wont listen to a single soul,
because you think they have nothing good to give,

sitting by yourself in solitude,
or when you’re just pacing in your room,
with the same pensive expression on your face,
the same old thoughts of suicide and doom.

I love this you sweet babe you! Very brutal and honest and I could imagine the person sitting there. I can see the beginning as someone who is being watched because they tried suicide but also in a different situation it could be they were watched to the point of it........
Great job. I like it.
Very true about the anger part on your about me page too...

it's very long.. and to be honest.. I couldn't be arsed to read it all.. But well done for making it rhyme.

i was sure i was going to kill myself before you talked me out of it.

I think you have successfully conveyed the sense of frustration, helplessness and bitterness with life. But the poem is a bit too long. I think you tend to repeat your thoughts. Try to condense it. Otherwise, it is very good.
"you try to drown your tears of sorrow,
in your shaky drunken hands,
wondering what will come up next,
but your thoughts just come up bland"
I really liked that stanza.

It's not great, but hopefully it made you feel better when you wrote it.

Sounds like you need a hug! I hope you're better. I hope you have found that you are special and you are worth a lot. I think your poem bares your soul and is very good because these are your emotions and they aren't to be rated. they're to be accepted and appreciated.

It's impressive.

too long

u got 2 be more clear bout ur thought