Poem, critique?

Question:Short sweet and to the point.
Might add more...but this is all for now.
________________________

A haze in the air as I move across the room

I’ve set my sights

And he’s wrapped in satin and seduction

(I can feel the drum beat that isn’t there

The bass has gotten inside my head)

And he knows

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Short sweet and to the point.
Might add more...but this is all for now.
________________________

A haze in the air as I move across the room

I’ve set my sights

And he’s wrapped in satin and seduction

(I can feel the drum beat that isn’t there

The bass has gotten inside my head)

And he knows

That is fantastic. I like the way you sensualy take your sleeze.

How is this:

I've set my sights,
And he's mugged in satin seduction,
(I can feel the drum beat that isn't there,
The gyration of my hips to the beat,
and my feet to the rhythm of the pump filling me)
And roses light his serene smile.
He knows.

THink it's good?Q!

lVery neat a bit odd but neat.