Is this poems ok?

Question:Balloons
A kid with ballons.
The kid lets go of balloons.
The ballons popped.

Birds
Most birds soar but some birds swim.
Some birds tower but others cower.
All birds sing but some better than others.
Birds, birds. birds.

Some birds are hunters but others are hunted.
Birds lay eggs, some big some small.
Some birds can talk like us, others sound like birds.
Birds, birds, birds.

Birds are beautiful, some by being colorful.
Some birds are dangerous, but most are friendly.
Birds are individuals with their own personalities.
Birds, birds, birds.

CAn you also rewrite these two poems to make it better if its not good or something? THNX!

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Balloons
A kid with ballons.
The kid lets go of balloons.
The ballons popped.

Birds
Most birds soar but some birds swim.
Some birds tower but others cower.
All birds sing but some better than others.
Birds, birds. birds.

Some birds are hunters but others are hunted.
Birds lay eggs, some big some small.
Some birds can talk like us, others sound like birds.
Birds, birds, birds.

Birds are beautiful, some by being colorful.
Some birds are dangerous, but most are friendly.
Birds are individuals with their own personalities.
Birds, birds, birds.

CAn you also rewrite these two poems to make it better if its not good or something? THNX!

What great poems! Although, you need to put and add details and emotions to your poems. Haiku poem is mostly about natures. Your haiku poem is ok. It is good but needs some work like adding details. Reemember to always add details and feelings to every poem! :)

Hope I helped!

i liked the 2nd one, they are quite really simply so i suppose ur quite young
but really keep it up!!!!!!! um i dont have the time to rewright just to more personifications similies and add a lot details
peace out

try again...

In the first poem I am confused with the tense there, other than that its great piece.

Your second poem is experimental and I liked it. But I don't know why you bother with rhyming in first stanza.
The line birds, birds, birds doesn't sound meaningful, it just like putting some words, words, words

some by being colourful? (3rd stanza) I don't get that.
I'm sure it will sound better post drafting though. Looking forward to it.

Dear Two Hearts,

I am not sure if your realize it but your poem on Balloons was very near to becoming a Haiku.

Bird, Bird, Birds. You have expressed your knowledge of birds, and this is how I read this poem, it is a lesson.
Perhaps it does not thyme as some would like, but none the less I enjoyed the effort which you put forward in writing it.
Rewriting someones poem can put their stamp upon it. far to many changes might be made and it no longer becomes your poem.

Re write it, if you are still not satisfied then start again. Even professional poets have had to work hard before they will submit a poem.

Good luck my friend

Robert

Use images.
"Birds are beautiful, some by being colorful.
Some birds are dangerous, but most are friendly.
Birds are individuals with their own personalities.
Birds, birds, birds."

These are not images. Images are taste(sweet. sour, bitter, salty etc), hot, pressure, pain, visual, acoustic, smell pictures. Beautiful says nothing about the birds; it says nothing about the texture or color of a specific bird's plumage.